not the same.

29 October 07

Monday, October 29, 20076:21 PM

Liqing`s bdae party rocked, like last year! But it`s sad that some people could`nt make it ><

I got blisters on my feet! ><>

rawr.how am I supposed to keep the memories? Any kind soul out there,please send me any pictures that you took. I`ll appreciate it alot! :D

we got freaking WET at the water bombs. But it was cool fun! ^^ BANG.

CHALET TOMORROW. CAN`T WAIT.

I already waited for one extra day!! RAWR.

Everyone have a good REST today,

And we shall go WILD tomorrow.

;) cheers

back to the top

26th Oct 07

Friday, October 26, 20075:21 PM

The dreaded report books are back.

heck, i`ve not faced the terror, I haven`t shown it to my parents.
who are obviously going to be SO mad at me.

roar.

pray* hope that all will go well.

Chalet countdown. 2 & 1/2 more days! YAYS. 3cheers*

haha.Let`s all go CRAZEAH. with fun. c`mon everyone.

Looking forward to chalet. that`s like the only bright spot now. LOL

I`m scaling new heights, experiencing everything that I can. That, is the real way of living one`s life. (:

I want the vienna trip next year to be successful. lots of people can`t go `cos of the $$.
heck, please subsidise, cwss. Mrs teo even spoke to all choir members today. SIGH.

Pray*

LOOKING forward to things. and trying to put away the negative ones first.

c`mon everyone, lets have some fun, all for fun.
before we start the stress going again next year--twice as hard.

look into your eyes, i feel in my heart..(:
your warmth and love.

back to the top

23rd Oct 07

Tuesday, October 23, 20076:41 PM

YAYS. We ROCK.
1/3 got FIRST. in the EE thgy, despite some setbacks and deficulties.

today,we`re all once again pissed by 1/4, okay to be exact, their teacher.
heck, they were poaching again.
and fancy killing the poor fish who had nothing against us humans.
1/4 used real life fishes as part of their exhitbits. LOL. ><>

we had the privilage to do this EE thing. Can`t actually settle in the fact now. rather than walking everywhere to different stations looking at other exhitbits, this was way,way better!
sad thing, the cakes are gone. rawr, but we got goodies instead.

it was a very busy day, cos the first people came in immediately after assembly. we were a mess then. `cos we were still in the midst of preparing. there were problems. the mike wasn`t working..blah. But we pulled it off.

being the presenter is HARD WORK. okay, all of our work are hard. From the puppets, to the quizes...to the leading...to the ppt presentation. I repeated the presentation for i-don`t-know how many times. argh. get more experienced but more tired round by round. rawr. hahas
but the effort that we put in all paid off (:

It feels great to know that the effort pays off.
laughs.

I hope that everything will go well. really hope so.
I hope, and wish, and pray.

wanna feel the top of the world again. want to see the dark blue sheet enveloping the sky, with the white shiny piercings dotting it. I wanna watch this scene, with you!
please, come true.

back to the top

22nd Oct 07

Monday, October 22, 20077:38 PM

EE exhitbition is tommorow.

hope everything goes well!

hmm...today was fab?

except for a lil part where i was a lil emo.

felt that i was WAY WAY EXTRA. i felt that i was`nt needed at all.

heck. so girl, you get the credit for everything? even for...(aww heck.saying it like that won`t be too good eh?)

On friday we did quite a lot of stuff, and the other classes barely or completely did not start doing. Today, everybody was chionging! I think our class`s display has the most details of all! lol! 1/6, 1/7, 1/8 COPIED our ideas!! assholes* I was SO annoyed.

And so i was doing , doing... shivering..

Then Mrs Png had these fab CAKES! from prima deli. peeps you`ll get it tomoro.

She`s real nice to us. =)

we were all SO pissed with mdm soh and 1/4 cos they kept using our stuff. All the teacher`s doing i suppose. Kept using our manpower too! RAWR.

Let`s hope that everything tomorrow will be ae-okay (:

cheryl`s right. its seems so fast. we`ve left peps for almost a year already. boy i miss it.

but maybe,everyone`s changed. perhaps, they all have their own new lives to be bothered with the 'old peeps'. that feeling and thought sucks.

"and nobody will notice the girl sitting under the desk, sobbing, feeling that she`s unwanted, feeling condemned, at the same time quietly contributing,quietly drawing."

i need you with me.please be with me. you`re my only hope now, my only source of energy and faith.

back to the top

21th October 07

Sunday, October 21, 200712:56 PM

ehmygod.

I think, I realise."Hey, on the whole,without exceptions,we`ve only ONE WEEK of being an official sec one left!"

school is ending soon. And everyone`s singing " What Time Is It!? Holiday time.."
Everyone please get into the spirit..

The horror of getting back the papers already numbed me.I don`t want to think about that anymore. Everyone please don`t think about it anymore too! It aint worth it `cos results aren`t everything in life. Experiencing and tasting the true meaning of life is. Scale new heights, experiencing the things that we do is.

heck,i know its hard to think that way sometimes when we meet with failure.

rawr, whatever.
-crapping here cos i havent blogged for days, obsessed with being miserable.
cryin? being numb? heck:/

I`m looking forward to the chalet. yays.

more fun embeded into my life so i can enjoy it, experience it.

hope that the choir trip to Vienna will be successful. That`s another great experience in my life.

looking forward to certain things, dreading certain things.

that`s all for now people. Your tag will be greatly appreciated.

I miss being with you. having fun laughing & smiling together.It`s been a long time.A very long one. And I hope we can do so again very soon.

back to the top

18th Oct 07

Thursday, October 18, 20075:22 PM

Today`s the worst day. woke up with a sinking and revolting feeling in my stomach. I dread every step to school. The nightmare still happened.

My results suck.
I suck.
Darn.

I cried so many times today.For so many times.I tried to stop the tears like i always do.
That didn`t work this time around.
They just rolled down from my overwhelming eyelids.
I lay my head down on the table.
They stream across my face, on the table too.

Nothing is going right.Nothing at all.
Teachers hate me now, my results suck, my parents are killing me by their treatment.
Its like a prison at home.A prison.Its nothing but just a shelter and a bed for me to sleep in.
I hate things this way. I hate it.
Its just a big nightmare,only that its true.

Please be here with me. I feel so alone.Condemned from the world.Vivian Chan Ker Ling is dead.
She wants to Live, but the world codemns her, she just dosent measure up.
I just want to have fun,forget all the unhappy events, just be happy and free.
But that seems so impossible for now.
I feel so down, I just keep crying whenever i start my thoughts running.

heck.Stop this.I want all this to S-t-o-p
thanks so much to everyone who gave me the bumble bees! and the messages behind it.they`ll always be close to my hearts. I`m really touched.Thank you everyone. ty..,so much.ty for the encouragement my dear friends.And to those who admit and bravely raised their hands, and also stood up for me during the bibiana-thgy. You guys rock.
thank you.
I`m real touched.Thank you to all those who weathered through with me.U guys are real pals.

Tears again.Out of everything, because of everything.

I want to be happy.

just want to scream it out loud and cry it out loud in your arms.hold me tight.

back to the top

17th oct o7

Wednesday, October 17, 20072:02 PM

tomorrow is death day for me.

these few days are sure gonna be rough on me.

Life sucks now.

I shall cry tomorow.

I`m collasping. But I guess you won`t see it.

trust me,please.

you have no idea..how much I Lxxe you.

The world is collasping on me. I don`t know what to do anymore.

The raging storm is still on, and NOTHING is going on right.

I closed my eyes like you told me to, and imagined your arms come around me tight. I wanted to cry of relief and everything then.Just want to cry in your arms.

nothing`s going right.
please let all nightmares stop. before I`m done for. But instead,MORE is gonna come.

I need fun.

back to the top

15th Oct 07

Monday, October 15, 20078:24 PM

freaking EE.

darn, i`m spending so much of my time on it.

Today, I missed out SO MUCH.
I didnt go for so many gatherings!
I didnt go to Hannah`s house.
I didnt go for Badminton with rawqin peps peeps.
I didnt go bowling.

ARGH.

I want to finish up the EE ASAP.

I MISS YOU.
so much.
so much.
not seen you for how many hours.

Oh i WANT to have FUN.
I feel like going to ECP AGAIN.

I WANT TO.
i`ll organise. (:
i seriously need more fun.
before I get a nervous breakdown.

There`s too tuff to puff. rawr. I want Slack.
Thursday and Friday is Deathday.
oh darn.
heck.

okay ppl TAG!

and YAYS 1/3 i`m glad more and more ppl are getting enthusiastic about the chalet. Everyone will have darn loads of FUN! & laughter. Its all good. (((:

woots i`m getting excited all over again.
SMILE.

get well soon!

I wish and I pray once again for all to turn out well.
Just couldnt get rid of that sick taste of dread in me.
just got positive thoughts and the up-coming events to keep me going...aww oh well.

All of us need more days of fun, seriously.

back to the top

12th October 07- (:

Friday, October 12, 20078:59 PM

I just LOVE the feeling on WHEELS.

haha.

Today was a FUN-FILLED and LONG day. (:
had so much fun.

The CDP paper in the morning was ridiculous. Everyone finished the paper in around 15 minutes and was staring blankly out of the window,at each other, or lying their heads on the table, sleeping. Even the teacher wasn`t surprised. haha. people refered to the paper as 'a waste of time'. oh well. :\

Once the paper was over, it was party time. everyone swarmed out of the classroom. Leavin index 1 to 5 to see mrs png for some EE stuff. We`ve really got to work harder for that EE thgy, now that its turn into quite a big thing. so after that, the actual plan was to go to escape theme park to go wild. So, i went home to get clothes, due to my parent`s last-min-wonderful decision to allow me to go. (:
Binbin and I then went to my home,and met them at JE. for the first time, we did NOT eat fast food for lunch LOL.

We set off. for a wonderful day.took the MRT.
reached there, took another bus to the Escape. We bought the tickets,only to realise that Escape WAS NOT OPEN. It`s only open on WEEKDAYS. urgh. we were like, flabbagasted. Staring at each other,we decided to then go to ECP.(: and we sure made the right choice!

Took the train,the bus. and WALKED for a total of around 4km? before we reached the ECP bike shelter. the road was SO LONG. Our legs felt like lead, heavy and tired. we walked next to the high way and all the way to ECP. lol.

Binbin,zhisheng,JGan and I were walking so fast, way ahead of the rest of the people. The rest were...hmm..slow? haha. they lost sight of us, like we lost sight of them, very very soon. We were so tired of walking. But thank goodness zhisheng was there to CRACK so many jokes that we almost went bonkers laughing our heads off.

well,thankyou zhisheng xD
he was like insulting every person we come by. it was SO hilarious.

We rented the bikes first,followed by the other group. Started cycling like mad. However, Nicole took roller-blades. Competition,we had. We cycled like mad--shanyi,zhisheng and I. Shanyi and I were leading. Zhisheng caught up after that. The sky was turning grey and the wind was getting strong.It rustled and blew on us,and that was cool. we slumped onto the grass and waited for hannah and the rest. No response?we continued cycling. We then sat down again after a while `cos i was on the verge of having an asthma attack. ><>

Suddenly,zhisheng got a call and hurried back,to help find rebecca`s phone. Seems that she lost it. oww. I rested a while and hurried back with shanyi. In the end, we found boyu, bin and gan. Roller-blading and cycling. Seems that boyu learnt how to roller-blade very quickly! as the rest continued cycling, I tried roller-blading for the 1st time.

Its SO fun. I`m obsessed.LOL.i just love the feeling on wheels. At first, I was so afraid and was clinging on to poor Jean for my life. haha! must have totally humilated myself.xDD nah not really. was screaming every time i was on the verge of falling. Then nicole decided to learn to cycle too. So everyone was learning new stuff. New experience. (:

after the rest came back,shanyi also decided to learn roller-blading. So did zhisheng. haha! so there was lots of falling and all. Everyone realised that roller-blading`s so fun. Then, evening starts to set in, and we decided to stay longer to do sommore roller-blading. We then rented more sets of skates.I didn`t,for i thought I had to go home very early.

In the end,the 3 main noobs namely zhisheng,shanyi and I were struggling and falling over. all of our hands were red and swollen and peeled from the hard ground. From falling. But afterall, its all part and parcel of learning! Boyu was getting such a hang on it, PRO. He hardly fell anymore. Zhisheng and I were like pushing each other, with Gan following us to keep an eye. zs was like, teaching me how to be more daring. Binbin was our SENSEI x) , teaching us and all. It was all cool. Three of us had so much FUN and new experience. Nice jgan allowed me to use his skates for 1 whole hour, 1/2 of his time! foc. (((: thanks JGan, u`re a real kind soul. So is Jean, who practically sacrificed her skates for everyone to have fun. She hardly skated. ><>

So we were skating and skating. Until even to the Macdonalds, where we skated through the skate-through so many times. ^^ It was getting really late. Jean and I had to go. Shanyi also went home with us--in the CAB. Its the faster way. The sky was turning dark. Talked and chatted, with often glances at the time. Once we reached, we quicky FLEW home. xD

Fun Day. real fun(((: wish that everyone can go on trips like that more often! afterall, today was a day of sports.(:

yays. The quarrel is solved. I suppose. Most of it anyway. =)
XOXO PEACE in the world. I come in peace.

seeya everyone! tag!

watching the beautiful horizon, next to you. blessed,wish that time would stop.Its been a long time.

finally,a break,a day of fun,where we can play,without worries.

wanna be with you.every second counts,love.

back to the top

11 Oct 07

Thursday, October 11, 20075:41 PM

Hey 1/3 peeps! the Escape theme park trip is CHANGED TO MON. =) everyone come!! meet at JE MRT at 11am!! (:

today, is full of crap.
LOL poka cards are...fun?
haha.

and projects are a..bore?

so, apparently, we chose the first.
for the whole afternoon LOL.

and there is also lunch,by my mom. lol a very quiet one though xDDD

ZHISHENG IS AFRAID OF MY HAMSTER. (:
haha and they were like playing the piano for like so long. so much for music.

I suddenly have the desire to learn how to play the piano.but nah, dont think that`ll come true.
i`ll always be a failure anyway, so what`s the point?

I`m sick and tired of quarreling. It sucks. why can`t we just be normal good buddies like before? I gave in, and it didn`t work.

hell, this sucks.

and once again, i`m all alone.

back to the top

10th oct 07

Wednesday, October 10, 20077:14 PM

grr. didnt have oral today. SO annoyed.

girls,have you just bloody forgotten about us. i`m SO over it. bloody pissed with you guys this afternoon,the both of us.

well,may all fueds be forgotten. i don`t wish to remember the bad stuff.

went to watch balls of fury today. before that, me,nicole,almas and binbin didnt have oral! the teacher didnt turn up due to some personal reasons. darn. I wanted to get the oral exam over and done with. so we were like wating for zhisheng they all for like SO LONG. and zhisheng apparently got his phone confiscated accidentally.

argh,there it was, the cycle of events again.went to argue and try to get the phone back,duh.

that alone took SO long. a few hours. We almost died waiting, me and nicole. it was SO long.

went through the lecture. waited more for zs to complete writing his lines. we waited like 4-5 hours altogether.darn. borrowed cherub books in the library after that. hah,lipsyncing is SO fake and stupid. xD

argh.

i can never be a perfect person.

I can never do anyone proud. I`m just a failure. I try, and always pray that it`ll work out.

I disappointed you,once again. I feel so dumb. I dont want to hurt you anymore! please, smile...

I`m deeply Sorry. sorry,sorry for every wrong that I`ve done. Please forgive me. -crys*

Please, don`t cry anymore. i`ll not disappoint you again.

ONE THREE peeps, please return the form for the chalet to bin2 ASAP. ty. please do go, it`ll really be very fun,trust me. everyone`s presence just means so much to me really.

I hope,I pray,I wish, that everything will turn out just fine, just this once at least. god please let all be fine...amen..

5hours...i`m sorry...><>

back to the top

9th oct o7

Tuesday, October 09, 20075:25 PM

i know i`ve done you wrong.

please forgive me. i know nothing will undo all i`ve done.

i`ve been an idiot. but not anymore.

please drop it, move on. Or, you can be angry at me.
Its up to you. ><

-I cry in the shower as water plunges onto me and wakes me inside.
the solitude that i feel is undescribable.
w-h-y.

i seek your forgiveness. I`m sorry.

**********
haha, looking forward to the chalet. Please everyone, co-operate and have fun...(: everyone`s presence mean a lot to me.

this means alot to me. More than anyone know.

back to the top

08-10-07

Monday, October 08, 200712:28 PM

from this,

to this:

LIBERATION at long last..
at least, most of it .
nah i dont give a darn about the non-impt subjects. xD

why is everyone not feeling high today?!

Well, i do agree its somekind of hard to BELIEVE that the stupid exams are actuall over. (:

It does take time to settle it in.

From Mugging Machines, to Party animals. That`s who we are.

now, its party time. go WILD. everyone HAS to, before the new year starts. And we have to go through it ALL over again. sigh.

c`mon everyone! get into the SPIRIT! celebrate`!~ :P
chill out, go out, have fun. Enjoy before its all over in a blink of an eye.

It dosent matter if i dont get good results this time. I would have seen it coming. I`m not smart. & Life isn`t all about studying dont you think?

there`s just so much more to it. (:

HAHA 1_3 peeps! LOOKOUT for announcement. `cos something VERY exciting is COMING UR WAY! ^^

sheesh, i`m so excited.

that is all for now.

it hurts so much not being with you all the time.
i miss you. so bad. more than you think. stay tight.

back to the top

6th Oct 07

Saturday, October 06, 200711:42 AM

lets just cross our fingers, hope and pray.

let this matter blow past.

I scream to myself silently inside my brain .
I never felt so lost and worried for a long time.
I feel sick to the stomach.

why does this have to happen.

dear god.i know you`re merciful. so please let us be okay. please let this matter blow pass. please bless us under your merciful hands. amen.

back to the top

4th October ><

Thursday, October 04, 20073:32 PM

MAJOR SCREW-UP.

that`s what i did.

i`m SO dead. there goes my hard work, sweat and toil for the EOY. one dash across it. I think everything is wasted. boy am i misled. i dont know how to go about working harder for other subjects. I seem to have lost the zeal & determination? sigh. PLEASE let the results be okay!! thats all i pray for right now.(+ wishes & dreams with you, about you duh)

wishes:
-to get good results
-( :X secret) ;)
-to have everyone to go out 2gether after exams and go wild. (:
i am SO going to FLUNK my math. It was hard. real hard.
I guess i`m mentally prepared?

--Cry..

I just realised that i totally screwed up my languages! I didn` know... Until i thought about what i wrote for the composition and all... It just dosen`t seem my best! i`m doomed.

My languages were my only hope. And i`m still crossing my fingers all the time, wishing and praying that i`ll do well for my languages.

As for the rest of the subjects, i`ll just take it as it goes.
gotta do well for geog, art(HOW!? ><), and Oral. sheesh, it dosen`t seem that easy. doomed.

oh god, why do we have to go through all these.

there`s only one bright spot in my life now-- you.
wish that time`ll really freeze when i`m with you!

Liberation is near. we`re halfway there.

gear up everyone! hang in there.

i`m wishing that my dreams and wishes will come true, and that my prayers will be answered.

liberation is near....how about that dream we both have? will it come true?
it HAS to.

back to the top

3rd OCt o7

Wednesday, October 03, 200710:45 AM

and to add on,

im SO gonna do badly, perhaps FLUNK, which is most probably...

for my math.

and i`ve gotta do well on other subjects, which is quite impossible.

I wish, I hope, I pray. ><

back to the top

3rd October ohseven.

10:35 AM

lets backtrack to a two days ago..

HAPPY CHILDREN`S DAY!

and hey! we`re still a child at heart! where`s our childhood man! :/
no sweets;no holiday -- that`s stupid.

and what do we get!?
more homework.
aww c`mon! i think there`s smth better than this.

sigh.

i want freedom. and fun. and going wild.

life is hard. i cant wait till the exams are over~
when liberation is near...

hang in there everyone!

sheesh i`m crapping so much here, currently in the computer lab of cwss with lotsa time on my hands. thanks to fab mdm sri...

GET WELL SOON NICOLE! and get back to sch!! please take care ><

you`re just being idiotically mean , girl.

i want more time, with you.(:
ty for everything that you`ve done...(:

back to the top