not the same.

<body>

out.

Capture it. Remember it.

Know me?

255052 (: .

VIVIAN chankerling
Turning 16. 14 March 94. commonwealthsec 4/3. Singing remains to be the best thing to do in life. Oreoz rocks on like noone else.

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31st Dec 07

Monday, December 31, 200710:59 PM

Today is finally,and alas, the last day of 2007.

Overall,2007 was a year to remember. and i find it quite a pity to have it pass by ever so much quicker than anticipated.

EVERYONE COUNTDOWN! ;D

Sigh i was asked to go to VIVO to countdown. But obviously, mummy dont allow.

as expected :/

2007 has been quite a fruitful year.

I wish everyone to have their dreams and wishes come true and realised! Just do it. Go for it!
:D everyone smile all year! :) whether rain or shine, we`ll all hold on together,aye?

I Love you all. may we,peeps.stay together as one big family,with warmth revolving around us,wrapping us together always.
for the rest of forever. ^^

anyway, HAVE A GREAT 2008!!!! ;D

school`s starting, sigh and double sigh. ><
Oh well,
that cant be helped.

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28th Dec 07

Friday, December 28, 20074:44 PM

Oh,I think I`ll probably grounded for a longgggg time.
roar.

Went to play bball with peeps today! :D
Played FULL-COURT continuously for about 4 hours?

:D

yays! =)
& they say i`m high today LOL.
Cos i never ran out of energy. xD

Hmm, zhihan brought 2 of his one-five friends along.
Aaron and dunno-who?
LOL.
And that aaron keep teasing me (bleah bleah.)
Then of course i fired back.
But from enemies,we became friends. LOL. :D

QJ was dragged into the game,but he`s pretty good! lol but i guess he did enjoy himself after that too.

Then nicholas & zhong cai came later..
And we had MORE FUN!

Yingxin dunno why dunwan to play ><

SOBZ.

Then my parents blah-blahed and I had to go home early.
But today was fun,shiok.

I absolutely DREAD the re-opening of school.
SIGH.

I`m scared,afraid,unconfident of what will bring me, what brings, when school begins.

><

I Love gatherings.
I Love you all.
:)

*****************************
wanna hold your hand ever so tight again.
even if its a second, I`ll still be ever so greedy to grasp on.

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27th Dec 07`

Thursday, December 27, 200710:07 PM

Last time we can see feifan was today.

Like nicole said, everything seems so surreal, so sudden.

Our close friend, just going to fade away so soon, sooner that we can imagine.

All that`s left,

are just memories.

We`ll just be talking about the idiotic and hilarious things that he does.

It`s.. Sad. );

Who knows when we`ll ever see him again.

Learn, everyone,to treasure the people around you, especially the people you love most, the people who mean so much to you, `cos you`ll never know when they can just disappear so suddenly.

ever so suddenly.

Sigh.

Life sucks,now that the gruelling school days are starting again.

I simply dont want to think about it.

I might just cry and scream about.

Hmm,the movie that we watched is O.K.

LOL.

did have sudden parts that scared us,though xD

and someone was closing hs eyelids almost all the way through LOL.

And that`s our brave huge guy summore. TSK.

that`s all.

take my hand,take my whole life too.

I dont know what to do anymore.

enlighten and help me, guide me through,somebody.please.

I`m tired and scared.

See,even before school starts. tsk. Screw me.

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26th Dec 07

Wednesday, December 26, 20071:50 PM

dreams and time just fly by.

I hope they can come true.

The little of them floating around like soap bubbles.

lost.

christmas season.

all gather around.

Love blooms for some.

new news and old.

but I`m left for long and forlorn.

promises made,

flowers bloom,

time pass by,

but how are you?

questions asked.

comforts written.

will you stay with me

as though you`ve spoken.

I really wish so,

for you`re all,

my want,need,love,miss and warmth.

nothing else could compare,

my love for you.

please stay with me,

say that you`ll do.

winter fades,

spring enters,

sad tears remain,

and dread and fear.

people go,

leave us silently,

so suddenly,

so immediately.

just like that,

gone,

and we`ll weep,

for not appreciating.

school starts,

fatigue settles in,

the days drone by

sad.

adventures and challenges

once in a while

perks us up

but not for long.

love remains.

and lasts

through all our journey,

both happy,sad,

fear and pain.

I sing,once and again.

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25th DECEMBER 07

Tuesday, December 25, 20073:00 PM

Merry Chirstmas everyone! :D

& a jolly hairy new year xDDDD
(inside joke LOL.)

may everyone have a crazy and wacky new year. (:
have fun!

I want the happy times to come again.
so badly.

><

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PICS:D

Monday, December 24, 20073:22 PM

I Love you all. (:

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24th Dec 07

1:28 PM

EEEEE blogger has some stupid dumb problem so I cant post all the pictures for now! Cher don`t be too sad! I`ll try to post them.

Yesterday was a BLAST.
I have no regrets.

Went with the PEPS rockers. to East Coast Park to celebrate a fun-filled christmas 2007!
:D Zair,cher,QJ,kahhang,xunbin,zhihan,lumyi,yihong,wanqi,me,sally<3,zhongcai.>

I`m SO glad i can see DEAR SALLY AGAIN!!! i miss her so much!

I love it. I love this. I love you all.

We met up at 10 early in the morning. (my mum almost didnt let me go)

Took the MRT all the way and the WEEKEND bus too! so we didnt have to take the long long walk to reach our destination! =)
Except,poor kahhang. who came later and alighted at an earlier stop! ><>

So we rented bikes and cycled all the way! & its xiaomei`s first time learning how to bike! She had some difficulty at first. But i hope she did learn! :D

We took turns to coach her. First,the rest of us went to bike while zair,zhihan & a few others coached her.
The rest of us raced and biked damn fast. LOL. But at first,we kept turning back to wait for everyone. and THAT kahhang raced me so fast. It`s actually tiring. x)

But it`s real fun & pumping. we had so much fun! :D

After that,we switched 'shifts'. we took a break and coached wanqi while the others biked. kahhang and yihong then went to get drinks. we slacked. then we happen to see something we shouldnt see,aye,guys? XD.

After we returned the bikes, we wanted to rest rollerblades. but the sky seemed overcast. Then we decided not to risk it.

We went onto the beach and PLAYED sand,water,soccer.
then,the RAIN STARTS FALLINNNN DOWNNNN.

urgh. why did some of us wear shoes instead of slippers!? we then chionged in the rain to some shelter. All of us got WET. thanks,bud,for helping me and sheltering me. LOL.

Everyone got WET. but it`s damn refreshing and SHIOK. :D
we were soaked through the skin as we walked to Macs to rest. With the air-con against our cold backs + clothes, its brrrrrr.

haha. We stayed in and played a while while more people swarmed in for shelter.
and finally,YAY.the rain stopped.
We ran out onto the beach once again and played VOLLEYBALL. xD, soccer, and lotsa silly stuff! kallang wave,aye,people? :D in the rainnnnn.

then the rain began to come down again. But it was just a mere drizzle. Since all of us were already wet, oh well. we played! despite thunders and lightnings once a while. the rain keeps going and stopping. On and off. and YAY we saw a RAINBOW! `tis SWEET :D aw.
SO FUN.

Even though we got all sandy and hands red from volleyball.
tee-hee.
then evening began to fall.. and there goes the beautiful sunset that we watched.
We then played in the water.
to finish things off,we held hands,stood in a row, and screamed all our way as we ran fast towards the sea and finally threw ourselves into the water.
Its so wet,and so fun,and so happy. we defintely went wild with fun this time!

and zhongcai`s phone DIED on him! pronounced dead LOL.
After a while,we decided to pack up. And all of us were soaking wet, sandy,and happy!
:D

everyone was all smiles as we went into the toilets to get ourselves DRY.
>< Hmm,apparently,that wasnt possible at all. we were all sandy and crap.
shivering cold.
then my darling sally and wanqi had to go off!!
=(

the rest of us stayed for dinner. At first all of us went to Macs. then while sally and wanqi went home after the latter got a bad fall, we figured that we wanted to eat steamboat since we`re all cold,and we`ve already eaten fast food in the afternoon. =) we were like, counting every single cent we have. LOL.

The moon is round,and its the festival of celebrating everyone together.
We sat there and ate a whole feastful meal of food. must eat till " gou ben", since its so EX.
its so nice and peaceful, as we made jokes and ate together--a family.
:)
oh,sweet.

By the time we finished eating,its already like, 11pm(ard there). After eating free ice-cream, we made our way to the road to decide how to go home. LOL.
In the end,we waited for cheryl`s dad to come pick us up in his seven-seater. since taxi charges are freaking going UP&UP.

While waiting,we told jokes,tricks,crapped. :D
and finally,her dad came, and we piled in.
Listened to music and funny stuff on the way back.

By the time i reached home,its already 12.
oopsy.xD and duh,got lecturing from my parents and got GROUNDED AGAIN.

dammit larh.
haha, but its all worth it.
No regrets.
I`m happy :D

at last,after so many sleepless nights, i feel into a dreamless sleep.

all of us,together,a big family. I love it this way.
may all these never change forever.

I miss you. so badly.
I need you.

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21st Dec ohse7en

Friday, December 21, 20078:43 PM

Today`s choir day camp TWO.

Played WATER games & FLOUR games! whee! Its quite fun.
And I`m queen of musical chairs!!!! :DDD
Then that stupid nicholas got into finals in the both rounds that we played. ROAR.still come poking me with that banner stick. Sheesh.
My small team could have won the charades de lo! :D If we had enough time. grr.

We got ourselves so dirty and floury and sticky and wet:D especially Siok Hwee!!! She was a mess of flour, soap foam and everything else when the day ended. LOL.

Haha then we had the sec 4 farewell party + prize presentation to round off the whole event. =)
My team won FIRST.GOLD. for the whole event! YAY we rock! :D three cheers for us!

We were so afraid that we`ll screw up with our performance. But in the end we didnt! At first we were like "ARGH,HOW?!", so panicked. We almost didnt have any performance to put up but eventually we thought up of a pretty short but sweet performance. and yay, it turned out to be successful. (:

Like I said,we rock ((:
Despite our horrifically small amount of people!
We have the Style,AND the SUBSTANCE! :D tsktsk (:

Tired.Very.
_________XXXXXX___________

SIGH. School`s starting soon. very very soon. sucks man.

I`m SO not looking forward to having lessons.

I`m afraid too, of everything that`s going to happen, and I cant help worrying about the starting of school.

AND GUESS WHAT,PEOPLE.

FEIFAN IS ACTUALLY LEAVING US!! For Australia foreverrrr. MIGRATING. well,that`s 99.9% confirmed.

On the 24th will be the final answer.

gosh,I think I`m gonna CRYYYYY.
T.T

Now,who`s gonna make cranky jokes in all lessons,especially chinese lessons, to entertain and bring joy & life to class?
Who`s gonna 'protect' us and help us when we`re in trouble.
Who`s gonna be the matching pair,the tall and short,with zhisheng?
Who`s gonna be sitting next to Boyu, always making everyone laugh?,bringin joy& fun?
Who`s gonna be bullyin bryan? xDDDD
Who`s gonna be creating chaos.
Who`s gonna be the strong guy?
Who`s gonna make jokes with teachers,about teachers?
And SO MANY countless stuff?

That`s gonna be missing when he`s gone.
GAHHHHH.

& I`m jealous that he can go to aus and SLACK. Cos apparently,life there`s very easy.

Bless him. I wish that can happen to me. Kindaf.
But of course,I wont be able to leave you. xD

We`re all gonna miss him so much right people!? ><>
And there he was talking to me on the phone, still cracking jokes. SIGH.

Our dear feifan. TSKTSK. He`s not even coming back to school anymore.

So SAD!

ARGH.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

you promised that things will be the same. That nothing at all will change.
I trust you. That I`ll still be the only one forever.
People say I`m silly. But I simply smiled and said, no.

Sarang Heyo.

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19 dEc ohseven

Wednesday, December 19, 20078:26 PM

XMAS CAKEE!

Sparkles whee~~

More sparkles, dazzling in the night.

Rebecca,her bro,bin,hannah`s sis BBQing still they get HOT in the face!

HANNAH & NICOLE EATING B4 US! :X

whoo-- hannah`s christmas party is over... that`s sad.

But we all had fun,aye(: with each other! & that`s what matters!

BBQed, played. there`s even a xmas log cake which DEAR NICOLE bought! 3 cheers!

and to ME too!! :D I bought PIZZA (nice nadia helped to pay some $$) for everyone & presents for almost all the girls!

I`m lazy to type the events. hannah`s both sisters and bro are nice people too! :D

PLAYED till nighttt 10.00 and went home. yay thank you zhisheng,Gan.you rock! for teaching me how to play table-tennis! :D

______******__________

Today`s choir day camp. Day ONE.

It`s pretty fun and interesting. I got to draw the mascot for our team banner! [honoured(: ]For the first game that we played, my team WON! Its super hard. super duper hard. and we actually did it. We were SO happy. Overwhelmed with joy and screams. :D yay three cheers & three cheers & three cheers to group three! and my team teamed up with group two(junwei`s group) and GANG-GANGxD Group one!(zhisheng`s group) HEEEE. kept cheering for each other :D The only sad thing is that we couldnt think of anything for the sec four farewell and got such a humoungous headache. everyone was panicking like mad. We cant do the pranks anymore cos the food that we 'spiked' and 'ruined' actually was DELICIOUS. GAHH. and the teacher had to come and not trust us and spoil our moods towards the end of the day.

Nevertheless,

Its so fun. cheering and games and bonding!! YAY.

I love it.

when its fun,duh.

Cant wait for day TWO! where the fun just gets better.

and it can take my mind off certain things.

________x.x.x.x.__________

I cant sleep.

I dont sleep anymore. `cos I cant.

from Yesterday.

Cried the whole night.

Cried always,whenever I`m alone.

I think about it. Look at the message on the lit screen.

And tears start rollin down once and again.

I start pulling my hair out and scream silently.

I wish i could scream out loud.

Why this way?

WHY.

I dont want this.

I`m prayin and wishin.

I couldnt eat,sleep.

I do alot of things to keep me exhausted. to tire myself out.

Hoping that I can fall into a restless,relentless sleep.

at least some shut-eye.

but i know. when I close my eyes. My mind is still running.

And behind those heavy eyelids,tears start to roll again.

I willed myself not to cry. To be a brave girl.

But that dosent work,obviously.

But that`s okay. yeah.

I WANT THINGS TO TURN OUT RIGHT AGAIN.

THE PAIN,ITS HORRIBLE. KILLING ME.

Perhaps I`ve been the selfish one, not thinking about your wants. perhaps.

But I guess your happiness is what matters.

the most.

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16 Dec 07

Sunday, December 16, 20079:37 PM

Today`s a lousy day.

Let`s hope that tomorrow will be a better one.

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15th Dec 07

Saturday, December 15, 20072:11 PM

Went to bbq yesterday organised by a couple of seniors.

the sec ones were there very early, and we helped to set-up the pit and all.

then,it RAINEDDDDD.

Softly,then heavily,then softly.

Like that,the rain came on and off for quite some time.

hmm. yeah and we had to use umbrellas to protect the food and the almost-off fire. So,duh,we got ourselves a lil wet.

okay,maybe,very wet. For some of us.

Cos some of us have umbrellas so we managed OK.

haha during the whole thgy,we ran to and fro macdonalds so many times. To buy drinks & all. haha. We also left the seniors for a while to get the food starting while we went to play the pyramid,glider and all. There was a church camp or something going on there. oh well. then we also took turns to rollerbalde on ZAIR`s BLADES. thanks,zair,for lending them to me.

:D It was some fun, but not REALLY fun. Okay,overall.

We also RACED so many times that when I got home, my legs hurt.

tee-hee.Junwei learnt how to rollerblade for the first time!and know how to break his fall really well. xD

Night came,and everyone was there. So we ate a lil. Hear the seniors sing..And at 8 plus went home.

-----***------

I CAN`T WAIT FOR THE 18th.

FUN,FUN,FUN.:D

It`s gonna be a blast.

I shant give anything away.

shh. :D

Come,everyone! 1/3 peeps. :D

Christmas bells are ringing.

:X school is starting. *GROANS.*MOANS.

Sigh.eee.

An undescribably heavy feeling loomed around my heart.

MISS YOU LIKE MAD NOW.

& always.

Cant live without seeing you.

And with your love I`ll never be alone.

together Far Longer than Forever.

(I)moved. Soft,sweet,swift, delicate. Like a vampire.

warmth of a werewolf. swift movements of .

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Wednesday, December 12, 20079:45 PM

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11th Dec 07

Tuesday, December 11, 20077:48 PM

Today,went to westmall. watched the golden compass with MI peeps.
sheesh,my parents actually allowed me to go out with MI people.
Can`t they do the same with the other peeps? LOL.

anyway,they almost didnt let me out.

Its only cos of ZAIR that I could go out.
She OVERNIGHTED at my house ^^
whee~ haha it was quite hilarious.She played with my sisters(& I) like until 1plus? yeah. After we watched Heroes. lol. Then early next mornin we set off to meet the others.

The show was not bad at all :D
Very nice. But it`s a trilogy. ><>

After that, went bladin(1/2h)[LOL], bballin,
then went to zair`s house.
we were DDR-ing<33,>
DDR was SO hilarious. we played,then started to cheat after that LOL. ^^ using HANDS XD

Crapping is so fun. Pillow-fighting too. ;D then zhihan was doing some stunt--escalator,staircase etc. Pro acts kay! + jail acts.

WHEE!~~
LOL.

that`s all for today. Darned rain. Keep raining. Interfere with our sports activities.

I`m getting all lazy. damn.

I MISS YOU.

so very very badly.

not being able to see you, hear you,touch you.
I cry with pain.

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9th Dec 07

Sunday, December 09, 20071:12 PM

"Those words, they sting."
(Between sobs.)

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY to my lil` sis!

I wanna have fun.

Before school starts. :/ roar.

i WANT xmas party man.
haha.

Grasp hold of every tinge of fun before the horrendous school days start again. SIGH,oh SIGH.

I miss you,so bad.
I can`t even say that to you now.

I can`t even say the three words now.

`cos you dont like it.

Oh sally, zair, someone, I wanna have fun, remember last year?
we had so much fun.

But like sally said, things are different now.

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7th Nov 07

Friday, December 07, 20071:06 PM

YAY YOU ARE BACK FINALLY :D

lol. Overjoyed.

But somehow you don`t sound very happy.

Take care,my dear.

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6 Dec ohse7en

Thursday, December 06, 20072:12 PM

Life has been stale.

I want to have fun, and achieve something, instead of just passing everyday aimlessly, with nothing in mind at all! I feel so light, empty. And that feeling is horrible. I hate it!

nicole please organise something.gawd.

I wish you`re by my side.
thank goodness you`re coming back today.

I`m pouring my emotions,frustration and everything here.

" Can`t you see and feel the pain I`m feeling."
" It`s just a horribly dark abyss without you" "I don`t want this to just be a dream"

neverendings of tears. fear.
Be with me.

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1st december 07

Saturday, December 01, 200711:48 AM

phew* not blogged in a long time,aye?

my computer`s freaking mad. keeps hanging and lagging. It makes me SO frustrated.
so i`ve decided not to post pics from the HK trip, just know that its a great trip :X xD

ARGH.my parents are keeping me at home.and that is SO freaking sick. I cant even see you off the day before you go to taiwan. i felt like punching myself.

its the 1st dec, can you hear the christmas bells ringin` ? :D
can`t wait. we`re gonna have a blast of a fun,aye?
LOL.

days nowadays have been rather dull. Its choir,singing,and choir.LOL. its the practices that`s keepin my life busy.

Aye,i wanna have fun. & go wild again.

and i think: do i deserve all this fun? heck. thinking back about negative stuff like my horrible accadamics. god.

but,aye.things will straighten out i hope,i still wanna have fun.

People are so busy. & leading their hols so meaningfully. Band ppl can go to taiwan for a LONG period, and so many are on long holidays overseas! there`s hardly anyone left in singapore. xD

aye,this tiny island is done. lol.

and YOU are off for a holiday. 8 lonely days without you. i mope,and scream, dream and hope that you come back real soon!

gawd. i miss you so much!

end of ranting.

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