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VIVIAN chankerling
Turning 16. 14 March 94. commonwealthsec 4/3. Singing remains to be the best thing to do in life. Oreoz rocks on like noone else.
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supercalifragilisticespiadeocious
Saturday, May 31, 20089:48 PM
hold on tight.
i miss you.

I'm starting to feel the warmth in choir again, when everyone danced and sang and crapped in the music room after choir on friday.
The feeling's just so light and great.
Everyone, girl or guy, just danced and sang together as one big happy family.
So sweet, so serene, so much to the envy of others.
:D

I hope that the orientation camp will be a success.
Allegro, go for it! :D

Chalet's coming. ooooooo :)
Let's put our hair down and have fun again, 2/3.
let's not be so crap anymore. lets just have fun together.

i miss you.

dread the sound of the clicking, then beeping, of the phone, signalling that you're gone.
back to the top
I miss you.
Thursday, May 29, 20086:05 PM
It seemed to be such a long while already.



I really miss you.
Even though we see each other everyday.
I mean..
AS IN..
ARGH I just miss you.
Please let everything be okay.
I hang my head down and let a sigh escape.
Today, skipped rugby to attend this Drama workshop, which is compulsory and paid for, to allow us to get more exposure to drama and prepare ourselves for the competition held innnnn.. August? I think. Lol.
At first, we thought that it was gonna be boring.
But we were wrong.
People from RV, Yuhua, and a few other schools from the west zone came to our school.
We had to work together with these people.
And strangely enough, we didnt feel awkward or strange to each other at all! We acted like we knew each other all out lives.
I guess its cos everyone is kindaf more expert in the area, so hmmm.
Rid and I then came out of the thgy for a while to join the class in the last NYAA session of dance.
ahh, and finally, we got our class tees! :D But the sizes...harumph.
the Drama workshop was super fun! Didnt realise I had it in me. :D
We were kindaf sad when the thing ended.
gawd. Those people are COOL.
Staged a performance with our own groups. Had a good laugh.
that's all for now.
back to the top
so tired of tears.
Monday, May 26, 20089:58 PM
Wanna cry for the weather, myself, everything.
but I'm so sick of crying, that my tears dried up.

Went to ECP today. Apparently, its the ant's birthday. [ ZS] Ant, may you grow tall and strong, and may you fly with your dreams.

And today, wasnt fun. Hardly any fun at all. Oh well. I dont know why too.

Partially, my parents runined the day. SIGH.

Most of the times, I hate them, I have to admit. For all the hurt they have caused me emotionally, for how they wrecked me, literally.

I hope the next time we have a gathering, it'll be more successful. aye aye(:

random short post. Nothing much to say.

i think of the sweet mem'ries,and wondered if we're ever gonna have them again. that's when I wanted to give way and cry, for myself, for my pathetic-ness,for everything.

back to the top
the ferocious fire of vengance and adrenaline.
Sunday, May 25, 20088:33 PM
Hit and Run. Leave me ragged.


Had MEP.
It sucked. Hell came after that.
Yeah, I know I deproved.

But like zs said, would crying or feeling sad bring your marks back?
Hell,no.
Like iris said, you just gotta keep moving.
keep moving.
Keep pushing, no matter how tired you are. No matter what happens.

But somehow, I dont know why, I just feel an undescribable hate towards myself.

i thought i did my best
but i guess i didnt.

Holidays are SO not holidays.
I've gotta go back like, continuously for one whole week?
I dont know.
Dont wanna think about it.

And the homework hill? GAWD.
It piles up like....
mount everest.
Neverending.

YAY I'm going to concert! :D

Today, had 'movie session'.
Sat,watched,ate, crapped. XD
Pretty relaxed.

I have to take time to think.

Ihave fallen from grace, down into something that seems so unknown and unpredictable. too much hurt has caused me a dent in me,

so deep that im so afraid to even hope.
back to the top
why. tell me,why.
Tuesday, May 20, 20088:14 PM
Hold me tight before I scream and go mad.

ARGHRG SDVJSIVC SJ VSJ VNDJNSKLZM
Tell me. WHY.
WHY!?
must things turn out this way.

WHY. is heaven SO bloody unfair to me.
Why is all this happening to me.
Everytime I try to stand up, something bad would come and just blow me down.
WHY.
Know how hard it is to plaster a smile on your face and trying to push away all the horrid thoughts so that one is able to do so!?
Know how hard is it to smile, when its pain, disappointment,fear and anguish inside one!?
CRAP. SHITE.
screw everything in this whole world.
Why are stupid retarted people so free to create political unrest.
or fight.
or whatever.
i hope you all die.
THIS. was my one wish. The one thing that would make me smile.
let me look forward to something.
Let me feel that there's something there that can hype me up and have hope.
NOW, everything is ruined.
EVERYTHING in this fucked up life of mine.
feel like dyin.
where's the light now!?
I dont wanna live in fear and all that anymore.
just a hope,
nameless face,
words I'd chosen,
gone to waste.
you got me trapped.
no good at fighting.
wild things get loose
in writing.
please,i beg, let dreams come true.
let me soar again.
dont kick me anymore.
back to the top
o the depressed souls.
Monday, May 19, 200812:35 PM
Nothing left, so where's the hope?

I just realised, that actually, there are alot of depressed souls around.
They are too, hanging in there.
Maybe all of us could form a committee yeah?
LOL

there seemed to me nothing left, just me and myself.

Cheerup, to those who are sad, things will blow over very soon.
To those frequent taggers at my blog.
I <3>
thanks,so much, for tiding with me through everything, giving me encouragements that make me smile and move on.
Yes, mummy, I shall close my eyes and imagine we're debating there and then. Let's hope that this wish will really come true.

I seem to be floating aimlessly.
I wanna gather myself up again, wanna continue to fly.
But nowadays, I find myself finding things to do, trying to occupy myself, as if I'm afraid of facing something.
But what?

Oh yeah, results, problems, and more problems.

I just want ALL THE BAD STUFF TO END.
to be FLUSHED DOWN THE GODDAMNED TOILET.

I wanna smile again.
I want you to smile again.
I want everyone to be happy, go out, have fun. smile, carefree.
Away from this abyss of pain and misery,in which everyone is captured in.

I sit down. I think. I try to sort myself out.
But I dont seem to be able to do so.

I'm afraid, i suppose. Yes, I am. What am I afraid of?
I dont know. Everything?
Losing everything?
yes.

I wanna succeed in the future, I dont wanna fail.
I wanna learn, I wanna feel the top of the world.
I wanna hang out with my friends, wanna have fun.
I wanna spend time with you, wanna be with you.
I wanna bring happiness to those around me.

please tell me that what we have now will last forever.
please tell me that you need me to live as much as i need you to.
please tell me that i mean everything to you.
please hold me firm and tell me everything is okay.
i need your assurance.

I'm afraid. that the guns of hurt will blast our hearts.

stay.
build our dreams together.

I cant live, I cant dream.
I cant breathe, just wanna scream.

wanna have fun.

Pressed tight against a corner.
tried to grip the wall.
stars burn out to nothing
as they fall.

What the hell is wrong with me.
Vivian, what is wrong with you, you bitch.

Bless all those caught in the natural disasters in myanmar and Si Chuan.
Bless you all.
And bless the commonwealthians who donated $$$.
I had no idea you guys had so much compassion in you all.
I'm touched.
Imagine, those people dying and fighting for their survival.
fighting for their lives, fighting away tears.
every min, every sec, while we're here, playing computer games and blogging and watching the TV.
I hope people live.
Poor souls.
C'mon, there's people OUR age! who had such a bright future ahead.
And this disaster ruined it all, tore their dreams apart.

bless them.
and oh, I found ants crawling out of their holes in my kitchen the other day.
they seem eager to escape.
Hmm. Does this signify another disaster?
back to the top
ARGHSVHJBSCVJSV
Saturday, May 17, 20088:25 PM
"she's just the girl I'm looking for."


lets hope that things will be better soon. Very soon.

Even if its just a lil while. I'm contended.

back to the top
vivian chan,chan,vivian chan ker ling...
Friday, May 16, 20089:41 PM
facade.

Ah. Next week is the last week of the term.
Crap. that means, report cards and meet the parents session.
Meaning, I'm super dead.
How can I find a way out for myself.
I still wanna live man.

Today,during choir, the teacher announced that some parents suddenly change their mind about letting their child go to Suzhou for the competition due to the 7.8 degree earthquake that just happened.
And I suddenly thought : Oh shite. I dont wanna die. I wanna live a long life. I still have many things to do!
And I said that thought aloud, which made everyone near me laugh.
Oh, one of the songs that we're supposed to sing is 'Come Again'.
We were saying : What if when we sing that song, the earthquake comes again. LOL.
What nonsense. But that's the way we are in choir. HAHA :D

Choir is always the time to go bonkers.
& sing.
Gawd. I have to improve on my singing. cos it sucks.

I have to improve on alot of things, in fact.
I feel like such a failure.
I'm still putting on a facade, and it seem to be holding on well. At times when I'm despondent, I'll still smile.
Stupid.

c'mon vivian, pull through.

Oh, one point. 2/3 guys. Please grow up, and try to show some concern for your fellow friends. Know your limits. Sometimes, your friends get hurt.

Crap and more crap. I'm like a scotch-taped vase, trying to hold myself together.

and WHEE these few days I've been doing sports to have sexy legs! ahaha! Inside joke (;

JAZZ is COOL, I emphasize. For fun.

Had CDP skit recently. 2/4's really really good.
"oh britney bitch"
XD

this post is SO random.

Official opening seems so far, but why are everyone preparing so early? I wonder.

Went to eat dinner with nicole today. Super funny cos we ate lotsa. FATS& whatever. But I dont care. (:

Shall post again. tmro.

gotta patch up and solve problems before trouble starts
before the guns of hurt blast both our hearts.

I need you by my side.
back to the top
i hope i survive.
Monday, May 12, 20088:49 PM
The flame's last fire.


the last straw, the last BLOW, the flame's last fire.
Went off,in a gust of wind.
from fire, the flame fizzled and turned to ice.
So cold, so scary.

Today, I have been dealt so many blows continuously, I felt like I might die.
My facade kept strong,though. And I stood strong.
Inside, I felt like dying.
Giving up on everything.

Why,is god doing this to me.

Went about my usual duties. Tried,to keep myself occupied these days. Dont wanna think about things.
However,when night falls, I would just pray that the fatigue would drag me to sleep.

gut wrenching heart burning bed turning. cant get no sleep tonight.

God. I dont know if I have the courage to sing again, or say that I CAN sing, ever again.
Were we that bad?
How can one produce such an amazing voice? I wonder, looking at my seniors.

Flunking. I'm flunking my papers. And I'm gonna have to face the music. Kill me. someone.
Saw how my parents yell at my sis for her results. Afraid that it'll be my turn soon. How am I gonna survive--meet the parents sessions, blahblah, all the crapshitexz?

Only much worser. They cant seem to understand.
I cringe at the frightening thought.

Shite. What am I to do now?

The facade's becoming stronger and stronger. I hope I can delude myself.
I'm tired,though, Im really tired. Just dont wanna go on anymore.
I'm at a lost, of what to do. Fear overwhelms me now and then. That feeling is so horrible its tearing my soul apart, and nobody can feel what I'm feeling.

Why am I having so many bad days?
When can my luck ever turn around?

I sink into an abyss of pain.
Why am I so STUPID.

Scratch at chances.
sing the pain.
Dont leave me,
In the cold again.

Someone come save me. Bring me back to life.

KICK ME. c'mon. But i'm already on the ground.
back to the top
SIGH. stupidstupidstupid me.
Thursday, May 08, 20089:46 PM
Dead.


Haha. NAH. xiaomei, I dont wanna be a songwriter for I cant read notes for peanuts. Hopefully,there'll be someone there to write the songs for me, and I just SING. XD seems hell imposible. Oh well. Haha! I wanna be a singer and a journalist/writer. xD

And Sally, nah, I dont think you know what I'm refering to aye. tis okay. (: dont get so agitated. Relax.

And guys thanks fer cheering me on in the x-country! Y'all did super-well too! I was just lucky, to get the last gold XD Have ta improve next year aye! But this time's not bad, like what zhihan said, its a DAMN GOLD MEDAL! (: aww gee peeps I wont cry or wail anymore. I'll tryta stay strong.

Ran,ran and ran. X-country was fun. Kindaf.

Xunbin, I dont HAVE the zhihan owned video LOL.

I flunked. I super flunked.

And instantly, I feel bloody useless. Seeing you do so well, i suddenly feel that I'm not matched to be anyone who means anything to you. Maybe I should just disappear from the surface of this Earth.

Today, Qiuying and I talked about Suicide. We explored the different methods to die. Tried to find the way which was less painful. The once emotional topic then became hilarious when chunni and hannah came in.

"is jumping down a building painful? will you die? what if you dont die?"

"Yes its an offence, so if you wanna commit suicide, you have to ensure that you WILL die. And you cannot jump down a building! Wait you squash some innocent person walking by and cause another person to die!"

"then..what if i let a car bang me to death?"

"NO! cannot! what if the driver of the car also dies!? Then you'll be harming others! That's unfair! Then what if, that car stop,and the other cars behind also crash into that car!? then more people will die!!"

"turn on gas?"

"it'll harm your family members!"

And so the list goes on and on and on.

Crap. We both wanna die. It sounds crazy, but yeah.

Life's too tiring. Its so hard to hang on to that edge of the cliff, where you feel that you have a chance to live, and yet just feel more and more hard winds slamming against you, causing you to fall.

I'm once again alone. And yeah, I'm so dreading school tomorrow.

Why is heaven doing this to me? WHY, is everything wrong. why am I intellectually deprived?

why am I such an asshole. Why am I so stupid.

I scream out loud and let the voice of my sorrow drown in the wind,@ the reservoir.

I wanna cry, but I think I've run out of tears. I just keep silent.

I realise, that fairies, guardian angels, or people dont stay forever. there'll be one day, when they'll fly away, sick and tired of helping,of pulling people up, and move on to happier subjects of their life. that's when I start to cry.

people,stop asking questions that only make tears brim up in my eyes.

back to the top
screaming like nobody's business
Wednesday, May 07, 20089:08 PM
As the petals of my life falls off slowly within every chapter.

I'm gonna be a journalist AND singer. XD
that's it. x) Ahahaha!
Write stories, sing.
Keep dreaming,girl!

Today, I woke up, feeling empty,and sad.
As if all the life is sucked out in me.
Wandered aimlessly around the house.

Then went down with the peeps to play bball.
More like,venting of frustration.
It rained, the teardrops of heaven pelting heavily onto us.
We did not waver, but continue shooting the balls into the baskets.
I was like,venting everything I had contained in me recklessly.
Trying to tire myself out,
Trying,to distract myself. From thinking horrible thoughts. Cos I knew that if I had sat at home, I would have started wilting from the pain.

Yeah, I made myself tired at last. Energy level goes DOWNNN.
Haha, and,the peeps really made my day today. They made me smile at their dumb jokes and actions, and its always easy to form a mask when I'm with them. I could smile, for just a little while. Oh yeah, not to mention the calories i've lost today, excersing,(I hope.)

I love my pri sch friends. And I dont ever wanna drift apart from them. I realise that I need them. These few days, I've been so alone, and I kept asking & going to play with them, reviving the smiles of the past, the roots of my youth. They obliged, the peeps, they weather through the rain and sun with me, and dont ever go. Sometimes,when in sec sch life, when I felt that everyone has left me; when I felt despondent, I always have them to go to, for them to comfort me, vent my frustration and laugh with me. And tears would stop. I would be distracted, even if it means running away from everything for a while.
Really realise how important y'guys are to me. thanks,for everything.

But contradictingly, I felt that some of us changed, some for the better, most, for the worst.
It just dosent feel the same anymore. I dont know what's the problem.
Pardon the uncouth way of putting it,but, do those in the abso-good-lutely schools FEEL SO high and mighty that they want to forget us, that they look down on us and detest being with us!?
Do they really feel that way? That, I wonder. And yearn to search for the answer. And yet, I dont want to be hurt if they really think that way.
What does this friendships mean to them? Our closest friends, have drifted far away. And I feel very sad for that. Very very sad, for in the past, things were so different.

I guess, things will never be the same again, really.
No matter what matter I'm refering to,
nothing will ever be the same again.
And that cruel fact stabs me hard in the bleeding heart that I'm having trouble nursing.

Not only pri sch peeps. Sec school too.
2/3, what has become of you? I really dont know.
Why have you guys changed so much, some of you!? That I hardly recongnise you anymore.
Why, are friendships breaking apart, and people turning into monsters, into judgemental people. why!? Teachers, instructors, have all commented that we're not united as one. 1/3 was!
What happened to 2/3? Why has everyone changed so much?
I tried, a few of us really tried, to pull the class together once again through so many things. But does it work!? Does any bloody person realise and appreciates what we're doing afterall!?
Its hard, it really is. I'm on point on giving up, but i wont, for I want to strengthen our bond, bring us as one again, before we're seperated once and for all. But for some, they only changed for the better. (: That's sweet to know. And good for everyone. (:

2/3 is like, a class full of super nice and great peeps who somehow goes wrong when they're mixed together. Haha.


Why cant things just be happy.


For all the many burning and hurting questions in my heart, some of which I even did not type out, I just wanna SCREAM ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. In furstration. sadness, disappointment, everything.

I'm trying to block out all negative thoughts. trying to stay strong. trying to mask.
Like I said, I dont care if my flame goes off sometimes. I dont care anymore.

it hurts to think that somehow, you seem to dont bother to care anymore.

ARGH. F__

Co-operation is on a high demand. Please,people.
SIGH.
No man is an island.

the pages of my life turns, and the petals of the rose that represent my life drops slowly. Everytime I'm hurt, a petal falls.
I wonder how long it takes to have only one empty stalk left.

Pain, is something, I guess, that I have to live with everyday.
I dont care anymore. It doesnt matter anymore.
And what is my problem!?
I'm so scared of losing everyone who means so much to me.
especially you. I'm so scared, of losing what I have. I'm so scared, of facing my failures.
I'm such an arse.

I'm thankful to all those who cared for me. im really very thankful. touched by the sincerity and effort t make me smile xD sec sch,or peps. thanks,guys. y'all ROCK my world.

thank you.

tmro's X-country. Gd'luck, everyone.
I dont think I can do well.
Haha.

the flame went off today.

back to the top
I dont know.
Tuesday, May 06, 20089:22 PM
Journalist? NAH.
Haha, to begin with some cold humour, kh actually said that the English on my blog is CHEEM and I can have another ambition--to be a journalist when I grow up. C'MON. LOL.
How is that true man?!
I wanna be a singer.
Dont laugh at me,people. A girl can dream,can't she.

Oh heck. Life is still not good.
But at least there is something to look forward to in June hols
-2/3chalet.
-Council Camp @ M'sia.

Hah. Do those things give me some drive to live on?
Yeah. More or less so,I guess.

i really really wish that things can be alright again.
I'm losing my mind. Frustration overwhelms me and my world divides.

Haha I suddenly am blogging quite often,aye,people? That's cos these days, I feel lonely, and I find blogging and typing out my thoughts here a sanctuary,where I can just write everything out.

And shite. My computer is failing me. Crap.

Today,we had a Nanjing briefing for the presentation. The powerpoint slides flashed. Suddenly,I felt that I was in Nanjing again. Back there where there was so much craziness,friendship, miracles,fun and laughter,where everyone was carefree and seen never before! (: The memories just wrench me back into the past. Everyone was like saying : omg i miss the times..etc etc. Looking at the photos at home,our journey flashed into my minds. I feel better.

I treasure those memries, and am determined to make some more wonderful ones. That is my goal. To fufill the wants and dreams of my heart.

We actually had CHOIR today. Crap. I kindaf feel that choir is falling apart. Our standard is...

Sigh. Dont wanna talk about it. One thing---we really have to buck up if we wanna do well. Competition's in two months. SYF's next year. People are commenting that the standard is really dropping and we're all going off-key. Looking at the quavers and notes on the music sheet. I had a sudden urge to tear it up. Today, in choir,we actually 'went back to the past'. We learned the songs AGAIN. It was horrible. As if we've never learnt it in our life. I'm surprised that Miss Debbie Tjiong didnt puke and vomit blood. Even though I'm sure she wants to.

People are not taking choir sessions seriously. LOOK at the number of people who turn up every session. People who SKIP the lessons for play---watch out.

We have to build ourselves up,choir. this is really bad.

Hmm. Oral was crappish today too. Teachers came up with a system of having everyone to sit in the Auditorium and numbers called in threes. It was already 9.30 + when its my turn? Smithy Methyias was pretty joval about things. Didnt really feel nervous. But the results were crap. haha. kindaf. But he was full of praise and smiles and was "Thank you. you're one of the best so far. You really deserve to wear that tie and badge."

Why,thank you. -.-

People ask me why I'm so sad nwdays.

I cant give them an answer. ><

Today after choir, went to throw stones in the reservoir. Haha. Looking at the neverending seams of water, I daze and just stare at the water. And thought about how pathetic I was.

And today, I realise that my judgement of character was so SLOW. I should have known--the mean people and the nice people. I realise,too,that I'm not the only one feeling alone, feeling sad. Its just that the others mask their emotions well. They seem shallow on the outside, cracking jokes and irritatin people, but deep inside is actually a wellspring of emotions and a sad or frustrated or lonely chapter of their life. I have to learn a point from them--to stay strong.

to mask my emotions well,and try to bring smiles to the people around me, not misery. that is what I have to learn.

Have to learn how to keep my emotions bottled up. And control myself. I've known how to not expect too much. I've learn to appreciate. So whatever it is,I'll just keep a little light torched up in a corner of me and know that there is a lil glimmer of hope in every corner, within every chapter of my life. I dont care if I get disappointments anymore. I'm bloody used to it. I dont care,if sometimes,the flame goes off.

For now, I'll just live.

back to the top
Delusion.
Monday, May 05, 20088:29 PM
Things will never be the same again.

I wonder it you guys out there are getting tired of encouraging me, tired of reading my emo boring posts, and getting sick of my personality right now.
I'm sorry ><>

Thanks,guys, all of you, who made me smile while readin through your hilarious tags. (:

Exams are more or less over. What's left is oral. Oh well.
What I fear of now, is the getting back of results.
Everytime I fear, and start to think the horrible things that will befall me, I push those thoughts away from my mind quickly,shivering.

I dont want to think about bad things anymore. Its just bloody tiring.
The more i think, the more I fear.


Vivian,you're cracking apart.

I'm meanwhile trying to stay strong.
Trying to bottle whatever it is up.
Trying to mask a smile.

masks are good, they get you away from questions and somehow numbs your heart.

trying to stay strong no matter what happens.
I smile sadly when I think of you, and the times that we had.
'Cos I wonder if things will ever be the same again.

I guess not.

Sometimes I just wanna scream "WHY. WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THAT. DO U EVEN CARE IF I DIED!?"
Then I just smile, and think that I'm silly to even entertain such a thought.
Haha.

I know that you're hurting right now, and need time.
=)

I shall just sigh. And keep grabbing hold to every fragment of memory, and hope that they will revive.
Sometimes I just wanna cry. But held back.
Just keep holding back, and I'll be numb.

Random post. Will keep posting. Dont really feel like talking today.
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Build those walls with your heart again.
Friday, May 02, 20083:47 PM
I'm tearing in between. Tearing at the seams.

"I feel that the walls of my world have collasped."
"Then,build those walls with your heart again."
"Its not easy."

Oh god. What's wrong with me.

April's gone.
May's here.
And yet I'm still.
So folorn.

April's gone. Why am I still wallowing in depression?
I've been doing that for the whole of April already.
What the f is wrong with me.

Stop Crying, Vivian. STOP IT.

"sometimes,life sucks so much that I wish I'm dead."
"high-5. I agree."

Just wanna scream out loud and cry out loud. Often, I could only silently scream in my heart.

Today, after the paper(which sucked), I was with kaixin.
I thank her for accompanying me, keeping me from feeling too alone.
She looked at me, sensing my overwhelming sadness,
she just thoughtfully,kept silent. And we walked and we walked.

On the crowded bus, saw other people. Random. binbin & gab were going to eat at JE, zhisheng and his gang too.

I didnt want to go home.
Kaixin couldnt go out.

I then made my way to JE alone, hoping to meet the girls.
then yeah, met them. They ate, I didnt.
I didnt feel like swallowing a damn thing.
Hannah and I then went to buy waffles. She was kindaf feeling lousy as well.
We walked, talked.
After the girls finished eating and hanging out for a while, they decided to go to IMM.

And once again, I was left alone.
I walked in JE, went in rounds.
I never felt so alone before.
Felt a surge of sadness overwhelm me once again.
As if nobody is there for me.
As if, I'm really all alone. And nobody cares.
Went home.

Thought and thought all the way.
Suddenly felt jealous at how happy some others are.
Surprises,luck, love, brains, everything.
People appreciated them, treasured them.

Then I wonder, If I died, would anyone ever care.
Would anyone ever grieve.
That just makes me wanna try.

I also feel, that things are never ever gonna be the same again.
That, gripped me with fear.

I could use just a little happiness now.

Thanks to everyone who cared, and comforted me.
Thank y'all. Bless your souls.
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