not the same.

Build those walls with your heart again.

Friday, May 02, 20083:47 PM

I'm tearing in between. Tearing at the seams.

"I feel that the walls of my world have collasped."
"Then,build those walls with your heart again."
"Its not easy."

Oh god. What's wrong with me.

April's gone.
May's here.
And yet I'm still.
So folorn.

April's gone. Why am I still wallowing in depression?
I've been doing that for the whole of April already.
What the f is wrong with me.

Stop Crying, Vivian. STOP IT.

"sometimes,life sucks so much that I wish I'm dead."
"high-5. I agree."

Just wanna scream out loud and cry out loud. Often, I could only silently scream in my heart.

Today, after the paper(which sucked), I was with kaixin.
I thank her for accompanying me, keeping me from feeling too alone.
She looked at me, sensing my overwhelming sadness,
she just thoughtfully,kept silent. And we walked and we walked.

On the crowded bus, saw other people. Random. binbin & gab were going to eat at JE, zhisheng and his gang too.

I didnt want to go home.
Kaixin couldnt go out.

I then made my way to JE alone, hoping to meet the girls.
then yeah, met them. They ate, I didnt.
I didnt feel like swallowing a damn thing.
Hannah and I then went to buy waffles. She was kindaf feeling lousy as well.
We walked, talked.
After the girls finished eating and hanging out for a while, they decided to go to IMM.

And once again, I was left alone.
I walked in JE, went in rounds.
I never felt so alone before.
Felt a surge of sadness overwhelm me once again.
As if nobody is there for me.
As if, I'm really all alone. And nobody cares.
Went home.

Thought and thought all the way.
Suddenly felt jealous at how happy some others are.
Surprises,luck, love, brains, everything.
People appreciated them, treasured them.

Then I wonder, If I died, would anyone ever care.
Would anyone ever grieve.
That just makes me wanna try.

I also feel, that things are never ever gonna be the same again.
That, gripped me with fear.

I could use just a little happiness now.

Thanks to everyone who cared, and comforted me.
Thank y'all. Bless your souls.

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