Haha I suddenly am blogging quite often,aye,people? That's cos these days, I feel lonely, and I find blogging and typing out my thoughts here a sanctuary,where I can just write everything out.

And shite. My computer is failing me. Crap.

Today,we had a Nanjing briefing for the presentation. The powerpoint slides flashed. Suddenly,I felt that I was in Nanjing again. Back there where there was so much craziness,friendship, miracles,fun and laughter,where everyone was carefree and seen never before! (: The memories just wrench me back into the past. Everyone was like saying : omg i miss the times..etc etc. Looking at the photos at home,our journey flashed into my minds. I feel better.

I treasure those memries, and am determined to make some more wonderful ones. That is my goal. To fufill the wants and dreams of my heart.

We actually had CHOIR today. Crap. I kindaf feel that choir is falling apart. Our standard is...

Sigh. Dont wanna talk about it. One thing---we really have to buck up if we wanna do well. Competition's in two months. SYF's next year. People are commenting that the standard is really dropping and we're all going off-key. Looking at the quavers and notes on the music sheet. I had a sudden urge to tear it up. Today, in choir,we actually 'went back to the past'. We learned the songs AGAIN. It was horrible. As if we've never learnt it in our life. I'm surprised that Miss Debbie Tjiong didnt puke and vomit blood. Even though I'm sure she wants to.

People are not taking choir sessions seriously. LOOK at the number of people who turn up every session. People who SKIP the lessons for play---watch out.

We have to build ourselves up,choir. this is really bad.

Hmm. Oral was crappish today too. Teachers came up with a system of having everyone to sit in the Auditorium and numbers called in threes. It was already 9.30 + when its my turn? Smithy Methyias was pretty joval about things. Didnt really feel nervous. But the results were crap. haha. kindaf. But he was full of praise and smiles and was "Thank you. you're one of the best so far. You really deserve to wear that tie and badge."

Why,thank you. -.-

People ask me why I'm so sad nwdays.

I cant give them an answer. ><

Today after choir, went to throw stones in the reservoir. Haha. Looking at the neverending seams of water, I daze and just stare at the water. And thought about how pathetic I was.

And today, I realise that my judgement of character was so SLOW. I should have known--the mean people and the nice people. I realise,too,that I'm not the only one feeling alone, feeling sad. Its just that the others mask their emotions well. They seem shallow on the outside, cracking jokes and irritatin people, but deep inside is actually a wellspring of emotions and a sad or frustrated or lonely chapter of their life. I have to learn a point from them--to stay strong.

to mask my emotions well,and try to bring smiles to the people around me, not misery. that is what I have to learn.

Have to learn how to keep my emotions bottled up. And control myself. I've known how to not expect too much. I've learn to appreciate. So whatever it is,I'll just keep a little light torched up in a corner of me and know that there is a lil glimmer of hope in every corner, within every chapter of my life. I dont care if I get disappointments anymore. I'm bloody used to it. I dont care,if sometimes,the flame goes off.

For now, I'll just live.