SIGH. stupidstupidstupid me.
Haha. NAH. xiaomei, I dont wanna be a songwriter for I cant read notes for peanuts. Hopefully,there'll be someone there to write the songs for me, and I just SING. XD seems hell imposible. Oh well. Haha! I wanna be a singer and a journalist/writer. xD
And Sally, nah, I dont think you know what I'm refering to aye. tis okay. (: dont get so agitated. Relax.
And guys thanks fer cheering me on in the x-country! Y'all did super-well too! I was just lucky, to get the last gold XD Have ta improve next year aye! But this time's not bad, like what zhihan said, its a DAMN GOLD MEDAL! (: aww gee peeps I wont cry or wail anymore. I'll tryta stay strong.
Ran,ran and ran. X-country was fun. Kindaf.
Xunbin, I dont HAVE the zhihan owned video LOL.
I flunked. I super flunked.
And instantly, I feel bloody useless. Seeing you do so well, i suddenly feel that I'm not matched to be anyone who means anything to you. Maybe I should just disappear from the surface of this Earth.
Today, Qiuying and I talked about Suicide. We explored the different methods to die. Tried to find the way which was less painful. The once emotional topic then became hilarious when chunni and hannah came in.
"is jumping down a building painful? will you die? what if you dont die?"
"Yes its an offence, so if you wanna commit suicide, you have to ensure that you WILL die. And you cannot jump down a building! Wait you squash some innocent person walking by and cause another person to die!"
"then..what if i let a car bang me to death?"
"NO! cannot! what if the driver of the car also dies!? Then you'll be harming others! That's unfair! Then what if, that car stop,and the other cars behind also crash into that car!? then more people will die!!"
"turn on gas?"
"it'll harm your family members!"
And so the list goes on and on and on.
Crap. We both wanna die. It sounds crazy, but yeah.
Life's too tiring. Its so hard to hang on to that edge of the cliff, where you feel that you have a chance to live, and yet just feel more and more hard winds slamming against you, causing you to fall.
I'm once again alone. And yeah, I'm so dreading school tomorrow.
Why is heaven doing this to me? WHY, is everything wrong. why am I intellectually deprived?
why am I such an asshole. Why am I so stupid.
I scream out loud and let the voice of my sorrow drown in the wind,@ the reservoir.
I wanna cry, but I think I've run out of tears. I just keep silent.
I realise, that fairies, guardian angels, or people dont stay forever. there'll be one day, when they'll fly away, sick and tired of helping,of pulling people up, and move on to happier subjects of their life. that's when I start to cry.
people,stop asking questions that only make tears brim up in my eyes.