not the same.

;to the centre of the earth

Sunday, September 28, 20083:37 PM

ARGH. im feeling 'drunk'? As in, in that kind of state where you feel like you've no goals and don't know what to do whatsoever, and just wander around the house doing nothing, or occasionally walk to the fridge, see nothing interesting to eat and hence closing it back again. Or just staring into space, singing along with the song blasting on your handphone..etc.

THAT KIND OF FEELIN!?

Crappy right?

T'night's the F1 Finals!

VA VA VROOM!

'Tis super cool. Pity I dont have the cash to go watch it.

Such a pity.

Afterall its like the 1st night race ever, and in good'ol Singapore.

Don't get why people like my mum says that its boring, just cars going on and on for laps and laps.

TSKTSK. Doesnt know what action is.

And, its my dad's bday today, so we're going out to eat, and i'm scared that i'll miss the F1!

OH well.

EXAMS are coming, and i'm NOT studying anything at all. Not even in the mood. Just wanna play basketball. Go out. blablah. And I keep thinking of the times AFTER the exams, when we can have fun.

Reality check: the exams are not even half-way through.

We've got 2 whole more weeks to endure.

Seems so long and toturous.

DIE.

SCREWED.

I can't make it mann.

I guess I just don't have the motivation, and the knowledge.

Hope and pray*

My internet connection is MAD.

Goes on and off, on and off.

Spoil already.

stupid.

AND AND, addition to the list of LANs--GABRIEL LAN!

[sorry for forgetting. LOL.]

back to the top

; pressure

Friday, September 26, 20089:35 PM

"let's go to Kentucky Fried LAN!"

Okay, poster above just a random joke to lighten things up, since the past 2 exams are stressing the crap outta everyone.

Its okay, guys. Don't brood over the papers anymore.

For me, I'm gonna fail both papers.
Don't even wanna think about it.

I'm scared.

Today, went to play bball after the exam.
Was supposed to watch 'hua pi', but..due to unforseen circumstances..

Was supposed to celebrate bin2's bday in advance, but due to unforseen circumstances..

OH WELL.

I'm just glad that in the end we had fun?

haha.

LAN yijia, LAN shanyi, Vivian LAN, LAN qiuying, ChaiLANLAN, Ng junLAN, LANnah, Nicole ang sze LAN. ;D

Inside joke =)

Language papers are over.

And they're both friggin hard.

And, I'm really scared.

Kindaf demoralised.

I'm sure I'll fail, given the standards of my papers.

Stupid stella give wrong info. B*tch.

There goes our marks.

I'm in a crappy mood right now.
Really really afraid.

G'luck to everyone for their papers.

-Thoughts accumulated when I lost them.

And promises hidden deep in my heart.

back to the top

hell;

Tuesday, September 23, 20087:16 PM

And I'm nervous.

I'm really scared.
Really panicky.
'cos exam's in a day's time.
and this toture lasts for 3 weeks before its finally over.
what. is. this.

I'm so screwed.
I'm not ready.
I'm not gonna do well.
For the first time, I'm really really scared.

Crap.

I must.

Thank god you're here. beside. i hope.

JIAYOU peeps. 3 cheers. Go for it!! let the toture be over soon.
___________

Today, something damn cool happened.
Nicholas's sister just banged into the room tday when we were having HCL remedial to take Nicholas away. OMFG the situation was SO cool.
its like she came in, and was sth like:

Bibiana: (shocked expression when she slammed in, all of us were lol.)

Nicholas's sister: Can i take nicholas away? You said u will end at 4.30, then drag until now!? (5 plus) you think wad, nicholas only got your subject uh! he got other subjects to cope with okay! he got tuition! (all these spoken in chinese) Can i take him away now? why u end so late!

B: So..you're trying to blame me?

NS: No, tcher, but im just saying that u make him stay back so many times, till so late! as if he got only your subject to cope with!

And then the conversation went on some more. cant remember the exact details.
But the whole thing was so exciting. just like a lightning strike in our boring and lethargic day.

wow.
___________
Pressure.

back to the top

Wednesday, September 17, 20089:24 PM

OKAY I AM HAPPY. LOL.

i'm NOT an emo zombie freak. MWHA.

lols.

'cos i have you by my side,631.

back to the top

crawling in my skin,these facts are sinking in.

8:43 PM

Okay, not trying to be emotional or anything,

but life's sucky, really.

And...i realise, im losing all my close friends. qiuying,hannah,nicole,iris and so much more..i dont wanna lose y'all.

Because of factors i cant change, like my parents, im losing my friends.

And feel left out, really.

I dont even think they want me around anymore.

I dont know.

just feel..lonely.

And some-sort that im an 'extra' presence in class, within friends or anywhere, and not needed at all.

feel like a useless bum.

Feel sad cos of that.

The world against me.

And I realise that im way behind.

I did sci relief revision paper, didnt know how to do any qs AT ALL.

Did math past year paper, didnt know how to do any qs AT ALL.

Got back chinese bao zhang bao dao, and had tons of mistakes.

Did Eng summary and compre and got so many wrong answers.

Got back hist ct results not too long ago and i sucked.

OMFG. WHAT'S GOING WRONG WITH ME.

under intense pressure to beat my cousin, and to save my skin.

Even though i know the right way is to compete with myself.

Thanks,guys, for all the encouragements.

at least i know that people still read my blog and knows how i feel.

Finally, the relationship is going smooth,and i can finally smile.

this's going to be the encouragement to pull me through the difficulties im facing now.

--you, SY, with me through it all.

that's enough for all my happiness.

back to the top

; ceaseless nights, sleepless nights.

Sunday, September 14, 20084:43 PM

random pics. plus recent ones.

Nuggets are love.

I love Qiuying.

Chunni's lantern

Mooncake festival celebration. @ css

Had mooncake festival celebration @ css on friday night.

was kindaf retarted. xD

but its a first time, so, alright.

Went there early to help. was SO tired already. lol.

And Mr Ng was using the mike on stage and was like "vivian and qiuying dont play already! come and help me here!" LOL.

Qiuying and I were like Crapping.

I like the start of the celebration. everyone had a long white candle in their hands. then all lights were off and one flame was started. and everyone had to light up their candles. FIRE! haha that was rather nice. hmmm. then the whole hall looked like tiny lights. nice.

And we crapped. travelled around the school to scare ourselves.

ATE alot. own uh!

i missed you.

hmmm. Sat went for Cross Talk.

Retartedly. hilarious.

Y.E.S. (you eat shit) its the 'IN' short form aye?

dinner was interesting and cool. ;)

We're not having gathering for mooncake festival this year!

PEPS peeps, what's going on? are we drifting apart?

one of the years, despite the haze, we still played till 12. :x

I was SO

disappointed.

And i was telling qiuying, CWSS is a very CRAZY school.

4 walls. (if u realised, surrounding the parade square are 4 walls, closing us in)

Like a prison.

they make u go back to school everyday. up till 6pm.

even in the holidays you have to come back.

make you see the school so much.

they have commontests for every mon u spend in css.

we are made up of different kinds of people.

so many diff kinds

so many STRONG people.

u'd never know that she's heartbroken, he's ill, she's depressed, he's got a disability,she's having problems..etc etc.

you'd never know what background one has! you'd be surprised.

'cos the people in css are just too fabulously strong.

which is good. haha.

we lead a hard life in school,

and yet when people ask you, do you regret coming to CSS?

you would ponder and say..never!

Cos there's just too many beautiful experiences to give up, and to not try.

cos we're adventurous?

yes, the homework's and work load's not easy.

Tell me, which other school has as much fun and toture as ours?

im afraid of losing you.

im afraid of not being good enough.

im afraid of competing. its tiring.

i hate bastards like my cousin. [extra info lol ]

i love you, 31. always forever.

back to the top

;tired

Friday, September 12, 20088:12 AM

I feel sucky right now.

I'm in computer lab now.

I feel like giving up right now.

I feel LEFT OUT and unwanted.

It seems that nobody cares.

Thanks for the encouraging tags.

back to the top

; i'm still hurting, just wanna scream LOUD

Thursday, September 11, 200812:52 PM

Currently in school.

School sucks even more now 'cos its infested with flies.

The NEA's just dumb.

they KNOW there's a school beside the reservoir and they HAD to fumugate the place and drive the whole population of flies here. RETARD.

the situation's even worse today. we even had to go to the library to study.

flies are roaming like EVERYWHERE.

even in our hair, skirts.

we dont even dare to open our mouths big when we're talking, in case one of those pests fly in.

We didnt even open our mouths big to sing national anthem again, and the vice-principal reminded us to sing the song loud, with pride. LOL.

Soon, I think the canteen will be serving up FRIED FLICE , instead of fried rice. mwha.

I'm bored, and depressed. and sad. kaixin's right next to me now, probably in a worser mood than i am. LOOK at her expression! lol! right now kaixin is laughing at what im typin' xD

Life's so sucky for so many of us right now.

im feeling so tired, that i dont even feel like chasing my dreams anymore.

haha.

TIRED. mentally and physically.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA! :D

i really wish that you're here.

couldnt believe that you actually called what i wrote 'shit'.

back to the top

; toture.

Tuesday, September 09, 20088:17 PM

pain.

i hate school.
life sucks now.
just wanna give up on everything right now.
its alright.
go ahead and hit me.
i'm down anyway.

back to the top

;I was/is/will be always nothing but a failure.

Monday, September 08, 20088:25 PM

I dont get why my cousin has to backstab me.

That fucking face of his.

I hope he dies quickly. Curse his bloody face.

Readers, dont think that im cruel, you'd act the same, if it were you.

I will beat him in EVERY aspect of life and SHOW it to my parents. that im not lousier than him at all. I will show it to my relatives. those that talk behind my back and insult me. Shove my eoy report slip in their faces. Show them that I am doing better in everything, unlike their 'perfect' bloody son, who has NOTHING in his life. Like, I mean, nothing. nothing. his life, at least for all his pri sch days and sec sch days, was/ are gonna be, so stale, so boring that he'd die.

And prove them wrong.

c'mon. even in ca2 i was better.

its just 2 subjects that he's better in. why the big fuss over his fucking face?

I've got more As.

I will fly back hard, you fucking assholes. watch out. and my DEAR cousin, I hope you SEE THIS.

I will prove it to you.

Laugh now, relish the moment while you can.

I'll be the one laughing in your blistering face later. I'm not daunted by your 'oh! vivian has 2 'Cs'!

Trust me, coming to achievements, my list runs much longer than yours. yours, i believe, might just be a blank piece of paper for all i know.

why do such idiots have to exsist in this world at all? why am i even wasting my time writing about him? oh, cos i was too angry.

its competition.

____________________

Sorry guys, I just had to get that off my chest.

Hmm. Today's the first day of school.

which sucked.

I believe this whole week, at least, is gonna be real rocky and full of bad news.

I dont know.

i hate school.

i hate it when i get that feeling that i'd never ever do anyone proud,

when i feel that im really a failure who cant get anything right.

All i want, is to have someone who means alot to me, to be proud of me.

to not be embarrassed of my exsistence.

back to the top

; Leave a page, for me.

Friday, September 05, 20082:20 PM

I start walking in the present moment that wont be captured by the past anymore.

promises.

i dont want what i search to be just a mirage.

GOD. its already a friday.

I havent even STARTED on my homework. How nice.

Screwed.

When school reopens, I believe everything is going to be tensed up, and hurried.

I hope I can cope, and recieve it well.

The rush of work, stress, and the constant knowing of the lost of hope.

It scares me.

ARGH. pfffttttt.

and, i;m getting FAT.

Had a bad dream yesterday. Dreamt that I was all alone, and that no one wants me. Or cares.

That feeling, even in a dream, felt so scary, so real. so..lost. I shook myself and jerked awake.

Time's the precious factor of everything.

[hey,vivian. positive points leh? ]

LOL I DONT KNOW. :X

back to the top