Freakin pissed with myself.


Feeling so helpless, so much a failure.



It's just a twisted ankle.



Had a twisted ankle, went for the race.



Halfway, perhaps not even half, my ankle started sending piercing pain into me.
It hurt.



So much for encouraging emily and nugget and some others to keep running, to not give up. Stomach so queasy with cramps,ankle crappy,
I myself wanted to give up.



Every step hurt.



I knew I was way behind, and yet i kept telling myself "dont worry you'd do fine. you'd be okay".
I rushed through the finish line.
Head throbbing, ankle piercing, I looked at the number card and wanted to Die.



35. Don't even get a medal. What happened to my performance the past two years.



Great. First, it was my studies.
Now, even my sports are being shot down.



Should I laugh at myself?
When I reached the finish line, I just sprawled onto the floor and cried dreadfully.
Was it for the pain? Or was it for the unwilling acceptance of loss.
I dont know.


Then the first aid took me aside and asked if i was okay.



Great, now everyone would have the impression that im not a sports person, that im a lousy runner, when i love these.
Now im squashed down again, looked down upon.



The only thing i've gained is trust of friendship. Helped nugget through the way. Cheered her on.



And the tears just kept falling as i gulped my H2O and Gabriel said that that way, I would choke on myself. But i didnt give a damn.


They fell for a long long long time.
I felt like I wanted someone there, to be with me to comfort me, and yet I felt that I just wanted to sink to the floor and disappear.



Mind was in a whirl.


Didnt go for class gathering.
Vivian CKL is becoming an Anti-Social kid.
Shit.
I bet very soon, I would be insignificant.
Lots of things have changed. And i dont like it one bit. Sadded.



Went to bball for 1/2 hr. Didnt run.
Just kept throwing the ball on the board at the 3-pointer mark with all my stength.
Just kept throwing and throwing. Didnt know what i was venting mann. Even my bball skills have deproved. damn.



im broke.



kindaf wish i was free. away from everything.



Tday's a bad day.



Don't know if anyone cares.
Don't know who i'm supposed to be.



Just wanna sing.

BLOG HALF DEAD.
WILL UPDATE ASAP.
GONNA GET A NEW LOOK.

Watch the space!

FINALLY.

TGIF.

Or..is it not?

let's just say that life really sucks now.

God, bless my broken road.

I just heard an aeroplane go past!
(cheer.)

o.0

I suddenly feel lost and excluded.
and NO LIFE. xD

Seeing everyone's lives, makes me feel pathetic.

And my f-ing parents just keep going on and on about my bill.
Hello? I've only exceeded by so little smses. I've improved SO much mann.
You'd think it's easy?
More than 1/2 my friends are STARHUBS.
How can I not sms them at all?
Crazy people. :/

And the chinese tcher didnt let me quit the debate team. Even yihong pon!
I'm most prob gonna end up as backup anyway.
What's the use of all the practices and all.
im so f-in tired already :X
And he still kept on saying "Oh, you got this event uh, then excuse lo. Oh, you got remedial uh, excuse lo" EXCUSE my ASS lah. Kick his ass mann. He so smart he excuse luh. Think we got all the time in the world uh. Think we've only got to work for ur stuff uh.
I'm already falling behind so badly. my grades are zooming down faster than global warming's ruining the Earth.

Kay I'm feeling low ):
Hence, the crapping.

Lo and Behold vivian the no-lifer.

Happy V-day people!

Kay i realise my blog's becoming deader and deader by the day.
feel like giving it a whole new look and style but im damn lazy xD

Speaking of blogs, we havent have a class blog! roar!

Speaking of classes, i think all the classes have really bonded alot.
and people start to change. it's kindaf scary, hmm, when you've gained abit, and lost alot. try not to think about it bah.

Camp was rather okay. it's alot of bonding time. hmmm.
i can say that 3/309 is really not bad!
the activities werent really taxing or challenging. we were well-fed and the sleeping area is alright, so well, i wasnt really tired. kindaf a relaxing camp to bond with your friends. this time i didnt try leading. i tried following. new experience. nic and qy did a fab job in leadin.
We didnt take any pics during camp! ><

And even now, everytime i look up in the sky and see an airplane, i would think of that cheer and smile.

Didnt get to go out with the peeps after camp cos mum didnt allow. Sad case. They had super duper loads of fun leH!
Sigh o sigh.

wake up, vivian.
tough road ahead.

this love is difficult, but it's so real.
we'll make it through this mess baby just say yes.

Current mood: crazy. tired.
Need: Sleep.

Math CT: surefail.
Eng CT : didnt do so well.
Homework: blahblahblacksheep.
Choir auditions: Pass! :D SUCH a relieve.
(lucky)
Council V-day: On-going and rather interesting.

Update later. need. sleep.