Freakin pissed with myself.


Feeling so helpless, so much a failure.



It's just a twisted ankle.



Had a twisted ankle, went for the race.



Halfway, perhaps not even half, my ankle started sending piercing pain into me.
It hurt.



So much for encouraging emily and nugget and some others to keep running, to not give up. Stomach so queasy with cramps,ankle crappy,
I myself wanted to give up.



Every step hurt.



I knew I was way behind, and yet i kept telling myself "dont worry you'd do fine. you'd be okay".
I rushed through the finish line.
Head throbbing, ankle piercing, I looked at the number card and wanted to Die.



35. Don't even get a medal. What happened to my performance the past two years.



Great. First, it was my studies.
Now, even my sports are being shot down.



Should I laugh at myself?
When I reached the finish line, I just sprawled onto the floor and cried dreadfully.
Was it for the pain? Or was it for the unwilling acceptance of loss.
I dont know.


Then the first aid took me aside and asked if i was okay.



Great, now everyone would have the impression that im not a sports person, that im a lousy runner, when i love these.
Now im squashed down again, looked down upon.



The only thing i've gained is trust of friendship. Helped nugget through the way. Cheered her on.



And the tears just kept falling as i gulped my H2O and Gabriel said that that way, I would choke on myself. But i didnt give a damn.


They fell for a long long long time.
I felt like I wanted someone there, to be with me to comfort me, and yet I felt that I just wanted to sink to the floor and disappear.



Mind was in a whirl.


Didnt go for class gathering.
Vivian CKL is becoming an Anti-Social kid.
Shit.
I bet very soon, I would be insignificant.
Lots of things have changed. And i dont like it one bit. Sadded.



Went to bball for 1/2 hr. Didnt run.
Just kept throwing the ball on the board at the 3-pointer mark with all my stength.
Just kept throwing and throwing. Didnt know what i was venting mann. Even my bball skills have deproved. damn.



im broke.



kindaf wish i was free. away from everything.



Tday's a bad day.



Don't know if anyone cares.
Don't know who i'm supposed to be.



Just wanna sing.