Feel like I'm lost.
Like I do not know what step to take.

Looking at you gives me so much motivation, knowing that, yes that's the future I want. I am going to work towards it with you. Together, we'd pull through this together. we've counted time together, we've planned everything together. Perfect. We have forever.

Then, I feel lost and afraid when I think : What if I can't make it good even when I try?


What if,

I'm not good enough for you?

I miss the USA.

VANILLA TWILIGHT-Owl City

The stars lean down to kiss you

And I lie awake and miss you

Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly

But I'll miss your arms around me

I'd send a postcard to you, dear

'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue

But it's not the same without you

Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad

'Til I look at my hands and feel sad'

Cause the spaces between my fingers

Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways

Though I haven't slept in two days'

Cause cold nostalgia

Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight

I'll sit on the front porch all night

Waist-deep in thought because

When I think of you

I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone,
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink

I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter

And heavy wings grow lighter

I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew

But I swear I won't forget you

Oh, if my voice could reach

Back through the past

I'd whisper in your ear

Oh darling, I wish you were here.

Dear God,

Please bless me.

enjoy the little things

that keep memories alive.

A brand new year.

As people usher in the new year, I have this indescribable pain in my heart.
It feels that Life is Over.
Felt weird when people text: Happy New Year!
Somehow, I do not feel very happy.
I keep looking back, and think about what we've lost.
(At least, the seaylp participants felt that way. now we have to tell people: we went to usa LAST YEAR.)

Like, welcome to hell.