Samurai Girl's

2010-05-27T23:11:00.001+08:00

If only things were that easy.

Disappointed. Greatly.

Doomsday, is here. without warning.

2010-05-14T21:35:00.001+08:00

Grass always looks greener on the other side.

-----

Feel like screaming.

----

Happiness is never easy to find.

When you do, you have to pay. A heavy price.

2010-05-14T21:27:00.001+08:00

Do not ever, take me for granted.

You're not King.

2010-05-02T22:53:00.002+08:00

Time is ticking away, slowly, and yet quickly at the same time.

Drifting with time,

everything seems to slow down.
You see more, but at the same time you see less.

I don't know.

2010-04-19T21:05:00.000+08:00

ASCIENDA WAS A SUPER HUGE SUCCESS ;D

LOVE.LOVE.LOVE.

2010-04-10T18:00:00.014+08:00

Okay, it has been a long time since i've updated.

Have already stepped down from council. That, sucks.

Miss it dearly.

Really miss the people, missing the stuff that we do together.

That's all for now xD

2010-03-07T16:32:00.002+08:00

C-O-M-E!!

You can approach me for ticketing matters (:

2010-03-02T21:50:00.001+08:00

I am tired, of trying to meet expectations, but fail to do so.
Really tired.

2010-02-24T22:57:00.002+08:00

all the music bring back memories of the better.
times and pictures make me smile.
I know it's way over, but i'm STILL missing the usa.
Have been thinking of it lately, i dont know why.
i think im crazy o.o

-----

don't leave me in the dark.

-----

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

2010-02-22T20:46:00.002+08:00

Ascienda entre la changement

Dance Event. (dinner and dance)
Venue: Chevrons Ballroom
Date: 17th April '10 (Sat)
Time: 6 to 10pm (doors open at 5.30)
Dresscode: Smart Glam

Bring your friends and PARTY the night away!
Have the night of your lives.

-cocktail style dinner

-Professional renowned DJ spinning the hottest blastin tracks

-Darkened room with professional light and smoke effects

-Performances that keep you roarin for more

-Fun, fun and more fun as you dance the night away!

-Bring recyclables and reusable items in good condition for a good cause and GET freebies (vouchers, apparels) from the coolest companies like 77th Street, Starbucks, Bossini & many more! The more you bring the more you get!

GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!!!!

If you have any queries, feel free to approach me, or Kah leong, Dee, Gabriel, Amirah, Qiuying.

(Ex-commonwealthians, you're invited too!)

2010-02-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

And the worst part is,
Before it gets any better,
We're heading for a cliff.
And in the free fall,
I will realise
I'm better of when I hit the bottom.

2010-02-16T23:11:00.002+08:00

LG is becoming werid.

First Chocolate, the Ice-cream, now..
LOLLIPOP.

What other food will they name their phones after? o.o

Random trivia sorry.

------

2010-02-12T21:30:00.001+08:00

how i wish, that i could trade a thousand tomorrows,
just for one yesterday.

that yesterday in usa.

2010-02-07T14:39:00.002+08:00

Tell me again, why life is SO shitty.

I can't seem to do anything right.

2010-01-31T22:15:00.007+08:00

Reccomendation to read the book.

It's a beautiful story.

I don't know when the movie is coming out in Singapore, but I do hope it's soon.

Alright back to solitude.

2010-01-31T21:55:00.003+08:00

Feel like I'm lost.
Like I do not know what step to take.

Looking at you gives me so much motivation, knowing that, yes that's the future I want. I am going to work towards it with you. Together, we'd pull through this together. we've counted time together, we've planned everything together. Perfect. We have forever.

Then, I feel lost and afraid when I think : What if I can't make it good even when I try?

What if,

I'm not good enough for you?

2010-01-20T23:04:00.001+08:00

I miss the USA.

2010-01-17T17:50:00.001+08:00

VANILLA TWILIGHT-Owl City

The stars lean down to kiss you

And I lie awake and miss you

Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly

But I'll miss your arms around me

I'd send a postcard to you, dear

'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue

But it's not the same without you

Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad

'Til I look at my hands and feel sad'

Cause the spaces between my fingers

Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways

Though I haven't slept in two days'

Cause cold nostalgia

Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight

I'll sit on the front porch all night

Waist-deep in thought because

When I think of you

I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone,
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink

I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter

And heavy wings grow lighter

I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew

But I swear I won't forget you

Oh, if my voice could reach

Back through the past

I'd whisper in your ear

Oh darling, I wish you were here.

2010-01-10T21:11:00.001+08:00

Dear God,

Please bless me.

2010-01-04T21:51:00.001+08:00

enjoy the little things

that keep memories alive.

2010-01-01T14:13:00.002+08:00

A brand new year.

As people usher in the new year, I have this indescribable pain in my heart.
It feels that Life is Over.
Felt weird when people text: Happy New Year!
Somehow, I do not feel very happy.
I keep looking back, and think about what we've lost.
(At least, the seaylp participants felt that way. now we have to tell people: we went to usa LAST YEAR.)

Like, welcome to hell.

2009-12-18T22:27:00.001+08:00

I see you.

2009-12-15T22:00:00.001+08:00

BACK IN SINGAPORE.

D:

Face. Reality.

This sucks.

2009-11-30T22:15:00.003+08:00

Walking.
Code words.
Food.
Siatsu.
Workshops.
Cold.
Flat batteries.
laughter, smiles.
open up the eyes to see.

---

This is becoming a dead blog.
Life's alright here in the USA.
(don't wanna return to sg xD )
I hope life's alright for everyone in Sg.

2009-11-24T12:36:00.002+08:00

AHHHH ehmygosh.

Kah leong, Qiuying and I just missed the prom night of the batch that's closest to us.

EMO.

D:

Freezing here zomg.
Shingx. XD

2009-11-24T01:38:00.003+08:00

HELLO.
Blogging from USA here.
SEAYLP SINGAPORE blog '

Click on the website to have a look at our adventures!! :D
Do comment on the tagboard. All of us here would love you for it! the tags make our day (:

2009-11-07T23:47:00.001+08:00

Nothing but just me and loud, loud music.
music, really saves the soul.

2009-11-05T22:08:00.002+08:00

Obvious Childishness and inmaturity.

Pathetic. Lowdown (:

If your aim was to bring me down or to ridicule me, you're wrong.
I'm going to keep my life going. Well life goes on, you know?

As if it's worth stopping for people like you, whoever you are.

Well i've got people here who love and support me, my friends and all.

So, well, go get a life, loser.
If you think your little dirty trick is fun.
I would say what people told me to say to you. "fuck off."

---
Rant is over.
Back to normal (:

Alright tmro's EE seminar.
GAHH to think I had a chance to escape by going to School Marketing, which is much more interesting.
Oh well, guess i have more important stuff to do.

I want to watch 'This is It"!
But it's screened for such a short period of time only D:

But, for one, i think it's quite sad that MJ doesnt have a closed book to his life. Like, the whole world now knows what and how his life is.
That's sad. oh well. long live MJ anyway.

GAHH i want to shop and chillax.
Sick of lessons, books and nonsense from this effin school.

2009-11-04T20:19:00.003+08:00

Superficial.

Nostalgia.
Total nostalgia.
nostalgic.

Sigh.

Why is life soooo bad?
D:

What kind of lifestyle is this?
It's got no life,
It's got no style.

gah which SHINGX person invented that word anyway.
That person must have had a very superficial mind.

Ah whatever.

Got US Visas today.
yayness for the getting.
booness for the process.

Did i mention? I HATE extended cirriculum like ****************************.

2009-11-01T10:25:00.002+08:00

Never look at things from the surface.
Deep within.
You never know what you see.

---

Gah, Halloween is over, just like that :/
I'm kindaf feeling regret.
'cos i didn't really celebrate it to the max.
Oh well.

Time, time, please pass.

2009-10-23T21:35:00.001+08:00

I AM SUPER BROKE.

D:

Need $$$$.

D:

gah. hate this feeling.

2009-10-21T22:19:00.001+08:00

keeeel me.
--

Y'know, we could have a lot of dreams,
but the scary part comes when you think about how realistic they are,
and when you fear that they do not come true.

then you crash.

2009-10-20T14:08:00.005+08:00

Currently in love with this song. (:

I, I,
I can see it in your eyes
Taste it in our first kiss
Stranger in this lonely town (this lonely town)
Save me from my emptiness (save me)

You took my hand
You told me it would be ok
I trusted you to hold my heart
Now fate is pulling me away, from you

Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I'm not around
I won't give in
I can't give up
On this love

You've become a piece of me
Makes me sick to even think
Of mornings waking up alone
Searching for you in my sheets
Don't fade, away

Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I'm not around
I won't give in (won't give in)
I can't give up (can't give up)
On this love

I can't just close the door
(on this love)
I never felt anything like this before
(like this love)
Tell me the truth no matter what we're going through
Will you hold on too 'cause

Even if I leave you now
And it breaks my heart
Even if I'm not around
I won't give in
I can't give up
On this love

Even if I leave you now (leave you now)
And it breaks my heart
Even if I'm not around (not around)
I won't give in (won't give in)
I can't give up (can't give up)
I won't give in (won't give in)
I can't give up (can't give up)
On this love

----

I AM DAMN SUN-BURNT.
My whole back is RED.
my face is RED.
The skin on my shoulders hurt so bad that i can hardly move.
ROAR.
Heh.
Y'know the phrase over-cooked?
I think i'm 'over-tanned'. ><

Dreading tmro.
Dreading it so badly.

Dear Lord, I know you have a greater plan for me.
I know.
Thank you for all the blessings. thank you for everything.
Bless me and enlighten me this time, would you?
Amen.

2009-10-15T21:00:00.000+08:00

EXAMS R OVER.

okay.

i've gotta get a new look for my blog.
this is dying. lol.

2009-10-04T22:27:00.004+08:00

when

the atmosphere turns tense,
the principal has made her speech about ---,
the tables in class seperate,
the assembly talk is about---,
timetables are issued,
people start getting enthusiastic about asking questions,
the classroom isnt as noisy as before,
people start using the word 'MUG',
people say 'no' to going out,

you know,

that the exams are really, really near.

that thought frightens the shit outta me. D:

----

Have been feeling real low lately,
the only happy thing is the usa-thing.
but other than that,

things have been really, really, really, really low for me.

now i've lost---everything?

2009-09-30T20:08:00.000+08:00

Thank You, Dear God.

2009-09-29T20:09:00.001+08:00

God please bless me.

2009-09-27T20:29:00.000+08:00

I've been alone so many nights now
And I've been waiting for the stars to fall
I keep holding out for what I don't know
To be with you
Just to be with you
So here I am, staring at the moon tonight
Wondering how you look in this light
Maybe you're somewhere thinking about me, too
To be with you... there's nothing I wouldn't do
And I can't imagine two worlds spinning apart,
Come together eventually
And when we finally meet I'll know it's right
I'll be at the end of my restless road
But this journey, it was worth the fight
To be with you
Just to be holding you for the very first time,
Never letting go
What I wouldn't give to feel that way
Oh, to be with you
And I can't imagine two worlds spinning apart,
Come together eventually
And when you're standing here in front of me
That's when I know that God does exist
'Cause he will have answered every single prayer

To be with you

Just to be with you.

2009-09-27T20:20:00.002+08:00

I'd never get the chance again.

The wide smile faded, changed to a frown, a look of disappointment, 'cos i know there wouldn't be a next time.

you.

My instant reaction was 'damn', but all i could do was smile and say 'that's cool.'

2009-09-22T20:54:00.002+08:00

i miss miss miss miss my hair.
D:

my hair was re-trimmed after some dumb vp told me that it's unacceptable. F----.
Damn pissed with her.

NOW I LOOK MORE LIKE _______________.

Oh gosh.

Say goodbye to looking fine for 6 months!? wtf.

++interview and awards day and my ugly hair!? dead. gone.

----

I hate my parents. and i hate going home. hate hate hate them all.
seriously, if not for my sisters, i'd pack my bag and get the hell outta here.
MANN, as if not supporting me is not enough.
You still had to demoralise, scream, scold.
Well honestly, i'm not the least bit afraid of you.
In fact, these things you do make me loathe you more and more each day.
Your childish threatens make me laugh. Don't you think you can squash me.
Okay i wish im living in a hostel. or something. anywhere. just out of this place i call a house but not a home.

---

i'm tired. super tired. but i cant sleep.
as if i havent wasted enough time.

2009-09-21T22:14:00.002+08:00

Today during Junwei's birthday party i made a stupid comment to the girls.
saying that
'I am going to cut my hair short'

Now i totally absolutely regret my rashness.
my hair is f__g ugly now.
I look like a guy.

I shall be very very brave and go to school tomorrow, and if people who see me laugh, i'd just keep quiet.
"laugh then laugh lo."

Argh. I hate myself. I hate short hair.

---
I don't know if I could ever forgive you. I swore that i'd never let you back in.

---

secret addiction. secret drug. ~

2009-09-17T21:57:00.002+08:00

I don't know why, but literally every single thing i do or see, reminds me of you.
GAH. driving me nuts.
So near, yet so far.

Okay i know im not supposed to be here blogging..but..
just a lil crazy indulgence here. heh.

2009-09-12T09:45:00.003+08:00

When you have nothing, you realise that memories are the only things that keep you alive.

2009-09-07T20:33:00.001+08:00

can't stop thinking.

AH, going nuts.

2009-09-01T12:30:00.001+08:00

Vivian chan ker ling HATES HATES HATES getting sick :/

38.6 and going up. D:

2009-08-31T21:13:00.002+08:00

okay i know this is kindaf late, but..

ASEAN DANCE WAS THE BLAST.

BEST DANCE I EVER WENT TO.

just wish the night wasn't over so quickly. D:
we'd never get a chance like this again mann!

i realised that JC's asean dance is even cooler. it's at swissotel, and it's party from 6pm TILL DROP. that means, even overnight. cool man :D

but, ours was also ABSOLUTELY FAB!

SO gonna go again next year. who cares about prelims? :P

2009-08-26T21:57:00.001+08:00

i think some councillors are really damn cute and sweet. (:

and im touched.

and im damn thankful and grateful at the level of committment and the fact that they care so much.

i was really, really touched.

thank you.
thank you all.

2009-08-22T17:54:00.002+08:00

AH. my whole family's in m'sia, and im home all alone, all alone. (with my maid la)

BORED to tears.

GAH.

2009-08-19T23:00:00.002+08:00

Come back, baby.

it's darn meaningless in class w/o you.
it's like losing my reason.

Ah.

gah. i shouldnt be thinking!

Kk sleep-time!

ps. a funny thing.
I was at my tuition teachers' house and i heard her sec 2 son speaking to her, asking her to let him go to Beyonce's concert.
Both parents said no.
And he was saying that it's a once in a lifetime chance.
Both parents were like 'ayia you got alot of 'once in a lifetime de hor'.
Then he said:

I was a fan of Michael Jackson lo. Then you dun let me go his concert. SEE LA. now he die already want to go oso cannot already.

LOL. the parents were lost for words. But i dont know if they let him go in the end.
but i've got to admit that's a smart one (:

2009-08-11T21:33:00.003+08:00

WO DE NUGGET :D

NAZI SALUTE XD

Okay this post is for nugget cos she dedicated a post for me (:

Nugget thanks for spending a day out with me. i totally superbly enjoyed it :D

It's been a looooongggg while.

And we havent had such alot of fun with each other for such a longgggg time.

One thing---you are NOT NOT fat! so stop saying you are ;D

you look chio in pics kay!

And, yepp i know life's rocky for you, but stay strong kay!

you're a superwoman and i know you'd pull through everything and shape your life into a wondrous one. i have faith in you! and do trust yourself in whatever you do, cos you know you rock.

Take it all step by step, and i'd always be here for you when you need me aye?

YES. i'd book you summore definitely! :D

next stop---gym to lose fats? o.o more for me than you!

Anyway, i love ya.

with hot spilling love,

NUGGET.

2009-08-09T16:25:00.001+08:00

fuck this year's national day mann.
horrible day.
D:

sucks.

i hate staying at home on fun occasions.

sucks the life outta me.
F.

then again, i always do HATE staying at home so much.

2009-08-08T23:23:00.002+08:00

GAH it's national day tmro and im stuck at home with my ass-like relatives. D:

Could have been OUT THERE having fun gawd.

sigh.

this is like, the only one long weekend in a loooongggg time.

next week's gonna suck like hell.

Anyway, went out with nugget tday! :D will update more ltr.

Sigh. i just saw the videos that we were supposed to see for Deterrence.

I dont get a single crap.

it's just a boring voice talking and talking very quickly. 7mins plus summore.

bo-ring.

aint gonna continue. feel so sleepy.

Was at school tday, with councillors. making PAPER MACHES.

Glue---tapioca startch + hot water.

it's EEEEEEE but it's FUN.

As in, going through all these together is fun.

we did gross stuff, we sang like mad while sticking those balloons with newspaper and selfmade glue.

it's kindaf a good bonding session though we didnt finish all the balloons and were darn tired.

11 of us, 120 paper maches. D:

----

i miss. you.

----

the ground caved between, where we were standing.

USE STARCH GLUE.

sigh.

2009-08-03T22:07:00.003+08:00

OMG IM MAD.

I'm falling for LINKIN PARK all over again!

I think their music still rocks my soul mann!
really speaks my soul, makes me feel 'shuang'.

----
im glad you're standing up again, sy.
you have been the greatest person. and im blessed, to have you.
ty.

2009-08-01T22:55:00.003+08:00

life is so slow and draggy.

i feel like those snails, dragging their tiny bodies across more roads, and just more roads. everything seems like it's never ending. oh well.

i'm so tired. so tired.

off to a singing session again.

i just discovered that a microphone is damn ex. shoot. there goes my wish.

you left her screaming in pain. you left her eyes searching frantically for you, only to see your retreating shadow.you tore her apart. you killed her, stabbed her heart and left it bleeding despite everything that you two have been through.

makes me wonder if he would do that to me,one day.

2009-07-31T22:50:00.001+08:00

i'm content. (:

i wanna make him happy.
i wanna let him have the greatest times ever.
i wanna make him smile, make him laugh.

i'll got the xtra mile, do whatever it takes.
(:

2009-07-31T18:34:00.003+08:00

Am i just plain envious that he's having a great life and im not?

I should be happy for him, right?

shit you,vivian. you should stop thinking selfish stuff like this.

2009-07-29T22:22:00.003+08:00

Jamming is my life now.
I just sing and sing and sing my favourite songs.
Put all my pain and hurt into those songs.
songs pumping in my blood, just concentrate on those notes, delivering them out with strength.

think about nothing else.
dont wanna think about anything else.

sometimes, i sing till i realise the meaning of those lyrics, and hear my own voice waver, as i break down.

2009-07-29T21:58:00.000+08:00

life-less.

lost.

2009-07-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

i'd build you strong again, whatever it takes. (:

2009-07-25T22:12:00.003+08:00

so tell me how do you breathe?
how do you sleep?

---

Councillors, im sorry, i didn't have a choice.
I didn't want it to be like this either.

---

Once again, I would like to break the hands of every clock to make time stop, so that i can breathe. so that you can breathe too, with me.
it hurts to see you working so much and so hard each day, with so many activities.
to see you so frustrated and yell at me : "At least you have time! I dont even have much time left!"
to see you crumble, agitated, unwell.

it really hurts.
and the whole day i rack my brains---how do i stop your misery? do i have the power to?

--
cousteau! ;D miss them already.

2009-07-24T19:50:00.001+08:00

blow the candles out.
like how you've lost your hope for me.

2009-07-20T22:31:00.001+08:00

AHHHH YES i KNOW i'm supposed to be studying/doing hwk.

but.
I HATE STUDYING.

i just realised this strongly now.
studying is so irritating.
but we dont have a choice.

:x

can't believe there are so many tests. driving us crazy.

school is driving me crazy.

2009-07-16T20:18:00.001+08:00

when all you know seems so far away,
and everything seems temporary,
rest your head, I'm permanent.

2009-07-14T18:07:00.001+08:00

What I need now is a miracle.

which will never happen.

2009-07-13T19:56:00.006+08:00

I shall quote from ranelle: Math is shit. F***.
i never hated a subject so much in my life man.
no cca? trying to use that to threaten us. wtf -.-
alot of us were damn furious mann.

today's a super bad day.
tmro's day is far far worse.
how can i bear to go through it.
can i just hide under my covers and not go to school?

I screwed up my o level oral big time.
gawd.

so much for trying to have a more positive and light attitude towards life.

and, guess what, i kindaf hate myself for not being able to study well. D:
how can i ever catch up?
falling behind like mad.

2009-07-12T22:17:00.008+08:00

These are called Northen Lights. They're formed by interactions between magnetic forces in the atmosphere. I wish I get to see this one day in my life. it'll be fabulous. It's damn nice ;D and it can't be found in every part of the world. D:

i remember the first time i knew i wasn't ever going to live without you.

---

OMFG TMRO's O LEVEL ORAL.

im dead dead dead dead dead.

i dont know how those who took it alrd braved through it.

and im the last fewwwwww. which means ppl before me alrd set the standards.

this makes things even worse D: And also, which means adrenaline will keep running through my blood and i wont be able to sit still for super long till 5 plus when it's my turn.

2009-07-10T22:36:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i feel that life's unfair.

i dont know. so many feelings are inside me now.

questions revolving in my head.

answers not answered.

head throbbing.

heart hurting.

im so afraid that i'll never be able to breathe your love again.

you're everything good in my life.

Elearning day is good that you don't have to go to school.

but it sucks when you dont get the e-lessons and when there's more work than when you go to school.

roar. i aint gonna do it.

MY O LEVEL ORAL IS ON MONDAY.

fsdjfahssdvjs.
im super scared.

super super scared.

i cant think fast.

i speak chinese like an 'ang moh' does.

how can i ensure that i dont screw up.

i only have ONE SHOT at this.

pray pray pray;

2009-07-07T21:17:00.002+08:00

Advice i gave tday:

Numbing your heart will just make the pain worse.

kindaf true, isnt it?

----

ARGH. HI BOOSTER CLASS. you SUCK and you're gonna SO ruin my life and deprive me from singing. urgh.

---

going insane.

Advice num 2, this time, to myself:
Never expect too much from life.

I found myself asking myself:
Dude, what are you doing with your life!?
what happened to that drive in the past?

man i gotta start waking up from the past,
and stop walking, treading back and forth, in the past.
it's high time i thought of what lies ahead.

but, i dont know why, i don't have the determination to even think of it. i keep falling back into my almost-perfect past.

Afterall,
Comparisons are easily made, when you've tasted perfection.

fifteen, is such a complicated age.

2009-07-05T15:34:00.003+08:00

locked up in a cage,
resembling a prison cell.
screaming, shouting, heart beating out of your self.
helpless.
so much to say.
hate.
so much.
able to kill.
lost,
don't know what to do.
tired.
too much tears.

life,
hard.
life,
lost.
life,
-less.
no life to call my own.
life,
sold.
to an institution called school.
rest,
forbidden.
heart, hurts.
motivation, gone.
somewhere, somehow.
don't know where to head off to.

left,
are memories.
to enjoy.
to think about.
to smile about.
to know about who's always been there for me.
those who love me for me, who care.
who's able to accept my best, and my worst, and be okay/proud of it.

house, just bare shelter.
but never a home.
parents,
are just nicer names given to 2 people i hate in the house.

whatever i get,
nothing to them,
nothing i want to thank them for.

credit goes to those who've been here for me.
***
you told me to brace myself,
you told me jokes to crack me up, ways to deal with my brokening family situations.
you told me to focus, and get on with life, get on with whatever im doing.
thank you.

though i doubt my ability to do so.

but still,
i ♥ you for being here.

2009-07-04T15:53:00.005+08:00

SYF showcase @ VCH, 2july09.

seniors' last last performance.

gonna miss singing with them very much.

can we hold on without them?

Ah, it's a pity that we don't get to watch the concert cos we're performing in it.

we only got to hear the rehearsals.

and rehearsal itself was beautiful beautiful music.

For VJC, when they rehearsed, it was more like a performance for us than a rehearsal for them. it's like, close to perfection already.

solid substance, that choir.

Anyway, we were all half dead when we went to sch the next day 'cos we're so tired.

ah, i dont know why, but first week of school seem so long, so AH, and i cant believe that it's only the FIRST week.

AND, i dont get to go out with belle and nicole today.

how sad can life get.

2009-07-01T18:04:00.003+08:00

OBS 09.

i wonder if people are forgetting already ):

wonder if cousteau members miss it, miss everyone.

i wonder if CSS peeps miss it too.

i sure do.

2009-06-28T20:16:00.002+08:00

okay, i know what im gonna say makes me sounds like a small kid/brat, but..

I HATE SCHOOL AND I DONT WANNA GO TO SCHOOL TMRO.

there, you have it.

shit man i hate going back to school.
:X

screw school.
stupid channel news asia cheat our feelings.
F.

i didnt do ANY homework.
there's nt gonna be youth day celebration or anything tmro!
only the AYG, and we've gotta watch from our classes.
and some classes cant even see 'cos the run's gonna take place around the blocks on the different levels of classrooms.
those who cant see only can listen to the emcees commentating.

SCREW H1N1.

*RIP MJ. you've done great to the world, and you're a good guy. you've brought something great to the world--your music. you'll always be remembered for being the king of pop and not other stuff.
God Bless You.

2009-06-26T20:07:00.002+08:00

BACK FROM OBS.

Quite fun.
VERY VERY VERY tiring.

i'm lazy to blog xD
pictures will come soon when i kope from others. xD

Our watches were named after famous explorers.
my watch's called Cousteau.
He's a diver who discovered the diving suit.

there were other watches. examples are Battuta, Cook, Junko, Livingstone, Raffles, Nila Utama, Da Gama, etc etc.
quite cool. on the first day, there was mainly packing and all the admin stuff. We've got our own stores which contains all our equipment. quite cool.

we didnt know each other too well, so there were conflicts.
but after a while, day by day, we get to know each other better and better, things got much better too.
anyway, we had to pitch A-man tents. Every night, we change to a new campsite.

On the second day, we did rock-climbing and trekking to another campsite. we also did some drill for kayaking.
For kayaking, we learnt how to capsize and escape, learnt how to empty water out of the boat in deep waters when someone capsizes. fun.
I made it to the top for rock climbing! :D not without the help of my team mates duh. cheering me on and all.
Trekking was HELL.
we left our first campsite and was not gonna go back all the way till thurs. which means we had to pack all our supplies and carry them with us everywhere.

We trekked, with our SUPER HEAVY bagpacks. some bags were loaded with our food supply, some with our tents, some with the supply of 2 people's personal items.
it was our first time with the backpack and it was horrible. it was only about 2km and we were dying.

On the third day, we went trekking AGAIN. this time, it's our expedition.
we trekked about 7 plus km! that, is super hell. i seriously almost broke down
Our instructors gave us the toughest route.
We had to find different checkpoints.
and we had to read maps and find the way there ourselves.
so we found ourselves scrapping through terrain, mud and leaves in the dense jungle.
it's super hard and the bags were heavy.
at first, i tried not to think about it. Belle, Azri and I were like singing songs to distract ourselves.
the hill we scaled had NO FOOTPATH, so we gotta dig our way through everything.
and we got lost on the way down.

and it started raining.

and we had to drag our heavy ponchos and all.

backpacks were killing us.
that's when I and some others started to lose some motivation. D:
Anyway, we found our way out in the end.
and when we reached our campsite we screamed like mad with joy.

just feels, so great.
we didnt get to bathe that night.

On the fourth day, we loaded our kayaks early before the sun rose.
we set off, and kayaked.
I kayaked with Amirtha, and I was darn worried cos we were both girls and worried that we couldnt pull through the strong waves.

Anyway, we went.
Initially i was darn frustrated cos our kayak couldnt go straight.
poor amirtha had to bear with all my 'OMG's and other swear words.
soon, we discovered that we can do it!
and i feel damn proud cos im sitting at the back, hence controlling the whole kayak, sterring and all, and doing the job of a guy partner. :D

it's really tiring.

Anyway, we had a super special dinner.
Next day, we packed up, and just left.
Boon Teck's right.
All of these will eventually become just memories.

I'm really glad to have this team.
Natasha, Cheryl, Azri--the parents of the team, always willing to rip their brains for this team.
Zack, tweetybird, Amritha--always so ever willing to help 24/7!
Mus--THE backstage man. Always running about helping out the team.
Belle, Nicole, Ken Yong, Jeanette--always there to give us support and full motivation no matter what the situation is like, no matter how tired they are.
Dao, Santhosh--always there to help, always there to make us laugh.
Quack--always happens to be there.
Adhar, Nishanth--always there to split our sides with jokes, here to rescue when we need help!
& of course, Li Peng and Abidin--BEST instructors who challenge us with lotsa stuff.

Like what Natasha said, it's not the end, it's the start of our new friendships. :D
COUSTEAU, here we go!

2009-06-21T00:12:00.010+08:00

Okay i think my blog posts are getting very boring without pictures. the last picture was actually taken at the reservoir!

Some are random pics, some are pics taken while on AYG duty.

AYG was pretty fun. I'm sad that we only get to do it for 3 days.

argh.

It's like, i can't believe im saying this, but i feel GOOD in that shirt.

It's like we get those impressive stares from others when we walk around in that shirt. HAHA.

AYG's duty was mostly ushering duties, as well as hands on when there is short of manpower.

We did like lotsa stuff, from being BELL GIRLS to ushers to personnel for taking temperature when teams return.

It's quite cool, as in we're authorised to walk anywhere in the whole swissotel.
the experience made me feel like im in the set of 'the suite life of zack and cody' but, ahh you get what i mean--the 'hotel life' is funfunfun. and we feel great helping out with it.

As in, AYG mann. not everyone can get to do this.

okay, so we usher, we smile and be polite.

We get to use the temperature gun to measure temperatures of teams coming back.

the cool part is that we get to see the atheletes from different countries.

* okay i shall leave the scary part out.

Anyway, alot of css girls were saying how hot guys from other countries were.
HAHA.

Plus, we often went to the Equinox/Introvar to EAT.

it's where all the helpers of AYG eat.

Omg they serve fabulous low-fat tiramisu.

yum.

okay it's so fun that people from morning shift are willing to stay on for the afternoon shift LOL.

It's like each person has his/her story to tell cos everyone is doing different things.

for eg, okay, i took temperatures for the Saudi Arabia team.

they were damn boisterous, noisy, wanted to flirt with girls.

AND it happens that qiuying nugget and i were doing that duty. and so they made a lot of noise and kept saying thank you and welcome xD

I took temps for Myanmar and Iran teams too.

they're so much better xD

but one of the myanmar guys was damn funny.

it's like i pointed the temperature gun on his forehead and he ducked like i was gonna shoot him.

LOL.

It's like, even when shifts are boring, we tell jokes and made fun outta little things.

even those older than us.

its damn funny.

for eg. when they turned on the walkie talkie, its like random stuff are coming in,

and on the first day, it was like:

1: HQ, HQ, calling out to HQ. The Saudi Arabia team has come in. they do not want to take their temperature. they just want to eat. HQ please give instructions.

2: Tell them that they need to take temp as its a precaution.

1: okay i will get back to you over.

...

1: HQ, calling to HQ. the saudi arabia team still does not want to take their temperature. they just want to eat. what do we do? Over.

2: Get them to eat while we take their temperature.

Okay it's funnier when it's live.

ANYWAY. okay there's so much to tell and so little time.

that's all for now.

the time is over 12.

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY NICOLE.

spend this special day, have fun.

and welcome to the IC world :D

remember, 'life's a climb, but the view is great'. (:

2009-06-18T23:41:00.002+08:00

is it worth it to give up one's life for another?

i kept thinking of that qs, but don't get an answer.

-----

I missed times when im involved in big gatherings.
i seem to have missed out so much.
it's sad.

sacrifice.

----

AYG today. quite okay. lol. 3 more days to go.
omg my bowling sucks.
---

i couldnt believe you did this to me.

2009-06-16T22:07:00.002+08:00

'And when i couldnt sleep at night,

scared that things wouldnt turn out right.'

Doors slamming, screams of harshness.

Felt that familar sense of abhorrence,anger and hate swell and surge up in me.

How could they actually be like that?

God.

---

Memories.

when you try to revive them, it all seems so impossible. the stong waves just push you further into the present, where everything is different. ):

---

'It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming through.'

---

Misses*

2009-06-13T14:37:00.002+08:00

From 'A walk to remember'

Landon: Are you frightened?
Jamie: Yeah, i always am.
Landon: Then why don't you act like it?!
Jamie: 'Cos i know you're afraid too.

It's a very touching book man.
It can make you smile in front, and make you cry at the end.
literally.
Those who are not interested in books, watch the movie.
though it's already very old, still, it's nice.
it breaks your heart.

---

Land of the Lost is a good movie for laughs.
it can make you laugh till you split your sides. xD

---

It's the end of the 2nd week of holidays already. Can you believe that?
Time FLIES. literally.
Everything's almost over. The start of horror is coming very soon, as school reopens.
Honestly, i dread it.

There are so many exciting things that i thought i could do in this holiday, but i didnt have a chance. It's darn sad.
All i can do is look at pictures of the past.
):
At least, there's a few fab things that happened in the hols--that i would never forget.

There goes all the fun. 3rd and 4th week is not fun at all.
OBS? now im beginning to think that it's gonna be horror++.
3rd week, is homework and boring week.

GAH. frustrating how time flies, right?
---

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse,to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

you're the truest essence of that very description.

2009-06-08T20:08:00.003+08:00

m'dear said that i was a troubled kid and ruffled my hair.

i looked down on the floor and focused on those squared tiles. perhaps,i thought.

---
We sat in the convention hall for goodness how long.
Listened to endless of powerpoint presentations. i bet i've never listened to so many at a go before.
turns out that there are so many people there who turned up for the AYG training that it was 'more than encouraged'. *rolls eyes.
And people from nanyang girls get to do impt stuff while we're ushers in charge of movement.
some sort of bias-ness and discrimination. Lol. I dont know. but i felt so.
and that guy was like 'smart people will be stationed at xxx station'.
Like...w-what? We're deemed dumb? somesort of society.

but anyway that's how the bubble bursts.
so many of us looked forward to it. but in the end..yuck.
urgh.

ah, now the OBS peeps (+me) are worried that we wont even get to participate in this and have to find our own way of CIP. screw the organisation. even the way they told us about this was mean. they were like 'those who cant, get out of this room'. like, who are they to tell us off? like it was our fault. blame the school for spamming activities that most people dont even get a break.

LOL. enough of complaining.
---

Love will find its way.
man i feel like a no-lifer. how could one week have passed already?

2009-06-06T23:21:00.002+08:00

Long time no post.

Holidays so far have been terrible. not started on hwk, projects. blabla etc etc never ending.

i want OUT. god.

xD

emceed with siti for syf night.
went okay though we screwed up a lil but who cares.

great experience though. it's fun with siti. i dont think i'd get a chance to emcee with her again ): Gah.

I missed the fun times people had together, that i had with people.
hurts to think that those times might never come back.
i wanna revive them, but yet i dont know how to.

im feelin terrible cos im stuck at my family chalet and im bored to pieces. All i wanna do is go home. get outta here.

*And as the saying goes: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I totally get it.

2009-05-24T17:26:00.001+08:00

My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life

What's worth the prize is always worth the fight

Every second counts 'cause there's no second try

So live like you'll never live it twice

Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?

Reminisce of memories

Would you forgive your enemies?

Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?

Swear up and down to God above

That you finally fall in love

If today was your last day

If today was your last day

Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?

You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars

Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes

'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life

Let nothin' stand in your way

Cause the hands of time are never on your side

2009-05-20T18:31:00.002+08:00

okay hi everyone.
i know i havent blogged in decades, so now i suddenly dont know what to write about.

life has been..a drag.

i dont know.

okay i needa go do the darn swcdc project.

nicole and i had a super hard time filming at pasir panjang wholesale market.
imagine going there in the hot weather and having to interview people.

so now qiuying and bin are watching this korean drama series omg.

haha. tata for now.

2009-05-12T20:57:00.002+08:00

Exasperation.

I'm sure all of us have been in this part of life once or more than once.
this point when you just feeling like throwing both hands up and screaming
"I GIVE UP!"
or wrenching your arms towards the sky with a burst of long-abhorred and accumulated anger and screaming
"WHY IS IT SO UNFAIR"

I bet all of us have these times.

This was just a little of how i felt today.
today was a terrible day, right from head to tail.

Flunked. flunked. flunked.
I told myself before i went to bed yesterday that whatever it is today, i would take it calm.
But that didnt quite happen for some reason.
I was tearing and ripping apart inside.
Just folded at a corner, feeling very small, even having pity for myself.
mann. this sucks. i was thinking:
"there's only so much i can take."

i just kept comforting myself. felt so small.
and useless.

Why had i become so dumb now.
why.

i just can't let the fact go, that im so dumb.

----
First thing in the morning.
gawd, i screamed at council :/

and ended up breaking out in sobs.
Argh.

I didnt expect myself to react that way at all.

I just had too much on my mind, too many things to say.

urgh.
i need a break. we all do. a pity its not gonna come.

I feel like i fell into a hole. so deep that it seems impossible to climb back up again.
that it's cold and scary. encaved in that boundary.

i hate boundaries, and yet ive grown so used to it.

thats all for about now.

2009-05-09T11:08:00.003+08:00

My effin laptop BROKE DOWN. CRASHED. GONE. great. everything inside is like, gone.

shitty life.

now im using my dad's laptop. sickening.

lappie, come back ):

OMG it's been SO long ever since i've laid my hands on the keyboard.

exams are over, and im screwed.

alright it's good to relax, but when tues comes i'm gonna die when the results come back.

Nevermind.

have been SO tired lately. it feels so great just to play a lil bball, soak up the sun, sleep in late!

Whoo~

We all need a break. cant wait for the hols to come aye=)

wait, but that's like, one whole month later. pfffttt.

and before that there's also the long-dreaded meet the parents.

Shit why am i even blogging about these negative stuff.

gonna watch some MVs now. ta-ta for now.

2009-05-01T20:48:00.002+08:00

You can't kick me down.
'cos i'm already on the ground.

i'm torn.
i'm tired.
i'm sick of everything.

exams, please spare me. fly past quick before i breakdown.
i cant manage and hold it all in my hands.
exams, you're just another one of my big problems.
i can do without you.

stupid stupid stupid. argh. scream.

2009-04-25T18:56:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh.

Life has indeed been hard these days :/

I'm having trouble coping.

And lotsa stuff inflicting on me recently.
perhaps even on old wounds, if you get what i mean.

And Ohmy,

Exams are comin real fast.
I'm not even prepared A BIT.

And i just wasted my sat slacking wth.

I feel like kicking myself.
C'mon! whre's the discipline!

I dont know why, but i keep feeling SO tired.
even if i sleep at 10.30.

I seriously need a break.

Right now, all i can think of are the things that are gonna happen AFTER exams
which are gonna be SO fufilling and living unlike now.
the stupid drone and sight of books. books. and more books.

AH. MIND POWER. CONCENTRATE. I SO CANT WAIT.

i've been laughing in class with the people too much already.
HAHA. but i swear it's damn funny.

2009-04-16T22:06:00.002+08:00

GOLD WITH HONOURS for the CSSCHOIR!!!!

WE DID IT.
WE DID THE IMPOSSIBLE.

I'm HAPPY. EVERYONE's happy. :D

We did it.
It's been so long.
the road's been so long.
but we did it.

We were afraid.
Surprisingly, we DIDNT RUSH!!!!! :D
We just treated the stage like our music room.
And everything's normal.

:D

AHH.
WE ROCK.

"Sing like there's no tomorrow." was what was advised to us.
We did just that.
And we did it.

Gave what we had.
Gave it our all.

Had a great performance.
After the performance, We cheered like mad outside VCH.
Conductor Mr Foong came out and said we did a great job.

Then, KWEI came out. and gave us TWO THUMBS UP and said HE'S PROUD OF US WHEN HE HEARD US SING. :DDD
We cheered and screamed like mad.

Nobody can taste the taste of accomplishment, the taste of rewards after hardwork, for us.
Nobody can really know what we've gone through.

Cos it's us, and only we know.

Live to sing. We live to sing.

This was an extract from the Choir Forum, which judges choirs during SYFs and just, choirs in S'pore luh:

'Commonwealth Sec Sch

Jaakobin isot pojat (the sons of Jacob)
Ashita wa Hare Kana Kumori Kana

Prediction: GwH / H G

I always liked gold ties, which the guys are wearing. Anw the choir's huge, and thus able to carry a wide range of dynamics, it's a surprisingly good performance of the set piece with very well controlled phrasing. I was worried when I saw 'Jaakobin' as one of the choice pieces, but they do it well! Pitch was accurate at most parts, and is pretty impressive. Ladies and gentlemen, I would say a potential contender for gold with honours. The chords are good, but they went sharp, still a darn good job! Last piece is delicate, very mature sound for a choir so young, the phrasing and dynamics are well-controlled. The sound forces u to breathe in sync with them, it was magic! I'd say, "Gold with honours"!!!!'

"They made us breathe their music"

:D

I prayed. We worked so hard. We prayed so hard.
Everything we've worked for.
My only syf.

CSSchoir.
We live to sing.

As i heard the screaming from downstairs, while having my council meeting. My heart started thudding very very fast. When it was finally over and i rushed out, i just flung myself over the railing and yelled 'what is it!?' And when i heard GWH I screamed like mad and just flew downstairs, threw my bag onto the floor and hugged everyone.

09. =) sweet taste of victory.

2009-04-14T21:52:00.002+08:00

SYF's tmro.
Finally.
D-day.

Are you guys ready?

YES. xD

Walk in the hall, remember that feeling, remember that you're part of the CSSchoir, remember the honour and legacy our seniors have left us with, be proud as you walk in. remember that the whole choir's with you, and you're never alone. Remember all the notes that your SLs have painstakingly taught you. Remember the endless months,hours of singing, of practice.
All for tomorrow.

Do not be afraid.
It's just people, it's just the stage, it's just the judges.
Be what we can be. Shine like the stars at that moment.
Treasure the moment. Sing like there's no tomorrow. Do not rush.
Sing through the notes, be precatious of every detail.

Be what we can be.

Tmro's the day, guys, all that we're working for.

JY!

We rock, no matter what we've done.
We bring the house down (:

Have a good night's rest, people.
Drink water!
you guys better not be hardworking for ONCE.
do NOT come to school in the morning mann.
We'd be damn tired.

Remember, everyone matters. (:

<3

2009-04-09T21:24:00.003+08:00

This week has been a really really hectic one.

Rush hour.

Lots of stuff have happened.

Walk on the red carpet, alongside Teoh Wenqi, with nice music playing.
Speech. Taking the oath.
Hard handshake and pat on the back from Rafiq, who came back with the other seniors.

Breathe a sigh of relief.

And stopped again when i think of the 365 days i have to go through.

hoho.

Call me Vivian, not the P-word!
I need everyone's guidance down the path. it's hard.

SYF IS COMING IN 5 DAYS.

Are we prepared?
Till today, we're still getting wrong notes.
that is very, very worrying.
Will we be able to live through that legacy and standard the seniors have set for us?
Everyone's worried.
That award. So near and yet so far.
Hardwork.
Hardcore Hardwork.
We're willing. For that very honour.

Seniors stressed.
Juniors afraid.
I hope everyone's in THAT mood now.
it only goes to show how much it matters to us. how much we want it.

It's the last stretch.
Give it your all.
It's our calling, we know that!
Do not look back and regret.

Last stretch. Push it on.

2009-04-04T23:23:00.001+08:00

it's breaking me apart.

2009-04-03T22:37:00.003+08:00

you have no idea how i feel unless you're in my shoes.

And that feeling sucks.

i'm more than depressed.

i feel like dying.

i didnt ask for that choice.

i didnt make that decision.

but apparently, everyone doesnt know.

all they do,

is point their finger at me and criticise, comment, insult, hate.

i'll never forget the negative vibes and hate i saw amongst my friends.

friends.

maybe they arent anymore from now.

and i hate that. i hate it even more that it isnt up to me to decide.

love.

gone.

pressure and blame on my shoulders. Explainations stopped and unheard.

i'm all alone.

you'll never know how small i feel now.

life sucks the hell outta me. really.

i seriously dont see any hope ahead.

i dont see what im looking forward at without the impt parts of my life in place.

horrible, cruel world.

2009-03-30T20:10:00.003+08:00

She laid in the hospital, tired, hanging on to her last days.
Her thin hand was hooked on the IV, her eyes edging upward, wanting to see the last of the world, wanting to look outside the window. Her lips paled with every difficult breath, with every heavy sigh. She remembered the days before her illness worsened.

Everyone avoided her like a deadly plauge in school. She coughed while climbing up the stairs, she wore a mask that covers half her face in case anyone thought she would spread anything unhealthy to them. She walked around school holding her camera, and took shots of her surroundings. Every living thing made her think, and smile. She drew faces people, as if wanting to remember them.

She skipped school when she wasnt feeling well and swallowed pills after pills. Sometimes she spent her time crying about her fate. Her life, her dreams, gone to waste. She couldnt have the chance to fufil them now.

A boy walked in the room, silently. His eyes wished so much so that he was in her place. His footsteps were heavy, and so was his heart. A stray tear rolled down his cheek. The girl looked at him, and gave a weak smile. He smiled, too, and kissed her on the forehead as he sat down, telling her stories, telling her about the world outside, whispering endearments.
She asked: "You know what i'm afraid of?"
He shrugged.
Her voice shaky,she said "I'm afraid of death, I'm afraid of disappearing into darkness and not knowing anything."
He placed his head on her chest and cried.

Two weeks later he rushed into hospital frantically, his heart thumping, blood rushing in his head. She was in a very dangerous condition. The doctor told him to be prepared.
He stayed beside her all night, but went out for an hour in the morning.

He came back, and spent the entire day with her.
that evening, she suddenly started heaving very heavily.
the doctor came in, and told him that her time was up.
He clenched his fists, shivering.
He walked into the room with a bag in his hand.

The girl smiled at him weakly again. She whispered "yeah, i guess my time is up. I've told you not to fall in love with me before. Now you'd be alone."
The boy tugged at the corners at his shirt and smiled at her. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips.
"I never regretted loving you, and i'll still continue to love you forever."
She smiled again, wincing.
"I'm afraid." she said.
"yeah, i know."

He hurriedly took out what he bought the one hour he was away.
Thin tubes of neon lights.

"i'll help you put these on you. you'll never be afraid of the dark anymore. you'll always see the light, and i'd always be here with you, never leaving you."
He helped her put the neon lights of different colours around her. around her wrists, around her ankles, even a huge ring on her head like a halo. She was his one and only angel.

She smiled as she watched him intently. She loved him like she loved her life. He was the person she couldnt stand leaving. She watched him. She never want to forget him.
After he'd finished, he just sat beside her, holding onto her, talking to her.

Her breaths became more and more shallower. And as the sun sets, she whispered
"i love you".
And closed her eyes as her head touched the pillow, for the last time.
She knew he was there for her, she knew that she never had to be afraid of the dark again.

He held her limp body, and cried.
for her loss of her own life.
for the loss of losing her.

bursting with emotions?

2009-03-27T19:58:00.002+08:00

Silence was between them as they got on the bus.

They sat down on the seats. She asked him a random question, like if he's okay. He replied yes, and then there was silence again.

Minutes passed. They were staring at opposite sides, looking intensely, and yet without aim, at the scenery fly pass. They both knew they had something troubling them, something wedged between them.

She saw him put his hand at his side on the chair. Without looking into his eyes she placed her hand on top of his and squeezed it reassuringly, hoping that she would make things okay.
He looked at her, hurt etched in his eyes, a million thoughts running through in his mind that she couldnt quite make out no matter how hard she tried.

His hand didnt move. It stayed, limp, unwilling to accept. She turned his hand over and touched it gently, afraid, insecure. There was so much she would like to say, so much she would like to comfort him, see his smile. She swallowed hard. She tightened her grip on his hand so hard, searching for security, searching for comfort. She had been hanging in there for so long, and she's not going to breakdown now.

His hand moved slightly. It hesitated for a while, held her hand lightly, covering her fingers in his. She sighed. The hesitation in his movement then became more certain, as he sighed too, and tightened his grip on her. Warmth flooded through her for a second. He struggled to let go, and let his hand go at that moment, looking away. She retracted her hand, hurt engulfing over her.
She knew she had to be strong.

A few moments passed again.
She thought about things, the hurt and pain she's caused him, the immense sacrifice he's done for her. Her heart wrenched with pain.
She grabbed his hand and held it, tight.
He didnt reject her.

The bus came to their stop.
They started walking.
They were walking at the same footsteps. right, left, right, left.
She once again asked him he was okay.

He staggered, and said yes.
They started walking again, this time, their footsteps different this time.

She looked on the ground.
She knew she've hurt him. He's her life.
His pain is hers.

In the midst of her thoughts, she suddenly felt him pull her to him, hugging her tight, so hard, almost crushing her. She could feel the rushing emotions flowing through him, all the many times of insecuritiy, of keeping things in a bottle, of having his heart weighed down and staying strong.
She could feel all these from him. At the next moment, he was heaving and sighing heavily between sobs.
She held him tight, and told him it was all okay. Tears of assurance then raced down her cheeks too. All the times of being strong just went lose--broke free.

They smiled, and walked down the street together.

___________________________

NICE STORY RIGHT!
Suddenly felt the inspiration coming.
I remembered the days i used to love coming up with stories and emo plus touching stuff.
Today i suddenly had this inspiration again!
shit. i think im mad. HOHO.

SYF in 19 days.
7 more practices.
Jy mann.

Life's hard.
My damn parents forced me to cut my hair short and made me look like a freak, and even wants to meet msfaith cos my resutls are crap. Shit them mann.

Tmro's earth hour! off ur lights!
:D

So much has happened.
this has been a crappy week. hwk, trouble, getting into more, more trouble. MAN.

only good news in the week. I GOT TO SIT WITH regNUM 29 in class from mon! :DDDD

Kay but i'll miss nugget SO MUCH. sigh.

win, & lose some.

2009-03-21T22:34:00.002+08:00

Homework done:none.
Days left: 1
Situation: Screwed.

flu. signess. blah.

Security.

Seems that i've been seeking for it since i was a child.

Even now, i'm still constantly searching for it every time.

for what sense of comfort there is there.

for me.

and you seem to have it all.

with an embrace, it satisfys. and the best part of it?

It's only for me.

-------

in a whirlwind.
sucking me in.

i want, i wanna.

so many things that i want.

but they seem so far away.

2009-03-18T10:30:00.002+08:00

nuggetys are poor 'lil things.
but we have each other(:

Let's just say that this year's birthday is the best ever. [and so far]
Nugget brought me out on 15th.
She surprised me with handmade sushi!! in the initials I LOVE U.

I was damn touched.
And she brought me to make sticker names:D

And she didnt tell me anything about these! so imagine how surprised i was.
First time anyone's done something so nice for me.
I was, damn touched.

She also brought me to eat some very interesting foods. First times too.

There's always a first time when im with nugget.
She's exposing me outside of my rock xD
Love her.

On my bday evening, i was treated to a great dinner by sy.
<3 it was a wonderful day. [or night?]
and time flies. ><

How i wish birthdays would come more than once a year.
But then again, maybe not. then it wouldnt be special.

Ahh. whole holidays taken up by sch stuff.
My mum says that i sold me life to Css.
kindaf true for everyone,aye?

Anw, 15 councillors went to Jurong Pri to be their Facillitators for their Leadership camp.
Omg now i know how OUR facils feel when they take us.
Fun, but TIRING.
Gosh it's like we have to look after them. the small p5 kids. they rely on us alot, but they're interesting creatures xD
hoho. Led them, had fun with the games, cheering and all.
First time being Facils.
And it's real cool.

And the best part is that now almost every of the 15 councillors who went have a cool clap for themselves:D

At night, we talked, did magic tricks, and went to explore the sch. It was damn hilarious. We were walking through a dark alley. Then there were green lights coming out of the computer lab. It was really scary. Then as we walked some more, junjie saw a red light flashing and edged back quickly. Then everyone got scared and rushed down 2 flights of stairs, but started laughing after that.
Then we went to the fitness corner to talk about some ghostly stuff.
By that time, we already only had 3 hours of sleeping time.
So when we ended, we just dragged ourselves to catch some sleep.

2nd day wasnt really stressful. they broke camp quite early.
Will kindaf miss them.
Anw, on the second day, we were damn damn damn tired.
When we went for CCA, elaine me and zhiming were so tired that we slumped on the floor, and also that our eyelids kept shutting when we're singing the songs.
hoho.

That's all for now.
Gonna go for choir soon.

;when im, fifteen.

2009-03-14T15:44:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. [and aloy] :D

Time flies, and now i'm fifteen!
fifteen, the year of maturity, stress, responsibility, exposure to reality.

Ahh im old.
xD

Ytd the peeps did sth really sweet for me!

They combined money to buy me a cat present which nicole chose.
Bin baked a cake too and during recess they lit the candles and sang a bday song!
[while aloy gets raped >< ]
It's damn sweet, and i can really feel my heart melting!
I mean, nobody have ever done this for me before..
I'm really touched.
(:
Thanks guys! y'all rock. (3/3 mah:D)

And at 12 midnight tday i recieved lotsa birthday messages too!
So many, even from people whom i didnt expect would rmb.
Thanks guys!
Love y'all!

All these really made my day=)

In council today, was kindaf stressed out 'cos i couldnt present the ppt properly. Ahh.
In choir today, they sang me birthday song..And emily, pearlynC, elaine, reine and sinwoon went to eat lunch with me. elaine left to meet her friend, so the rest of us had mad fun. HOHO.

Emily, Shiting, Plum and Amanda did sth really sweet for me too!
Handmade present=)

Fifteen, Fifteen. 15.
Still such a foreign number.

Haha hope that tday will be a great day!

2009-03-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

hey, jinfeng here! couldn't resist posting on vivian's blog.
bye!

;think back

2009-03-07T17:52:00.002+08:00

Think back to these few months.

Time's been flying so fast and it's hard for everyone to catch their breaths.

And my blog is like, dead?

hoho.

Ahh im not doing well at all for the first term. gonna get killed by my parents.
And i realise i've been slacking too much.
Gotta get my brain in the right direction.
Flunking too much.

SYF's on the roll.
D-day is 16 April. Wed. 17:30
39 days more and counting.
practices have become more fast-paced. but i like that feeling.

Debate competition on wed. wanna get it over and done with. wasting so much time and effort on it. So tired. Sick of missing lessons and all.

Decisions, decisions. must make the right ones.

AHH aaron sry i couldnt go for the gathering today.):
y'all have fun..

Today in choir, PearlynC kept imitating Zhisheng, bryan and junwei. She made me laugh like mad and my ulcer hurt. And then i realised how much they've changed, how much they've grown. PC was like "i like the sec 2 bryan better". Haha i was like "mature alrd mah!"
Then i, too realise how much everyone has changed.
And i realise i miss 2/3 people alot.
I miss them, I miss us cranking the teachers up, i miss us breaking window panes, i miss the noise, i miss us having simple yet fun gatherings at East Coast Park or Escape theme park. Simple happiness and the strong bond and trust.
I miss us being special.

Sigh kay enough of the reminisence.
xD

Turning 15 next sat. Old lady already. tsk ><

;pissed with me.

2009-02-27T16:01:00.004+08:00

These are big shoes to fill. Or is it that my size has shrunk?

Freakin pissed with myself.

Feeling so helpless, so much a failure.

It's just a twisted ankle.

Had a twisted ankle, went for the race.

Halfway, perhaps not even half, my ankle started sending piercing pain into me.
It hurt.

So much for encouraging emily and nugget and some others to keep running, to not give up. Stomach so queasy with cramps,ankle crappy,
I myself wanted to give up.

Every step hurt.

I knew I was way behind, and yet i kept telling myself "dont worry you'd do fine. you'd be okay".
I rushed through the finish line.
Head throbbing, ankle piercing, I looked at the number card and wanted to Die.

35. Don't even get a medal. What happened to my performance the past two years.

Great. First, it was my studies.
Now, even my sports are being shot down.

Should I laugh at myself?
When I reached the finish line, I just sprawled onto the floor and cried dreadfully.
Was it for the pain? Or was it for the unwilling acceptance of loss.
I dont know.

Then the first aid took me aside and asked if i was okay.

Great, now everyone would have the impression that im not a sports person, that im a lousy runner, when i love these.
Now im squashed down again, looked down upon.

The only thing i've gained is trust of friendship. Helped nugget through the way. Cheered her on.

And the tears just kept falling as i gulped my H2O and Gabriel said that that way, I would choke on myself. But i didnt give a damn.

They fell for a long long long time.
I felt like I wanted someone there, to be with me to comfort me, and yet I felt that I just wanted to sink to the floor and disappear.

Mind was in a whirl.

Didnt go for class gathering.
Vivian CKL is becoming an Anti-Social kid.
Shit.
I bet very soon, I would be insignificant.
Lots of things have changed. And i dont like it one bit. Sadded.

Went to bball for 1/2 hr. Didnt run.
Just kept throwing the ball on the board at the 3-pointer mark with all my stength.
Just kept throwing and throwing. Didnt know what i was venting mann. Even my bball skills have deproved. damn.

im broke.

kindaf wish i was free. away from everything.

Tday's a bad day.

Don't know if anyone cares.
Don't know who i'm supposed to be.

Just wanna sing.

2009-02-26T20:34:00.000+08:00

BLOG HALF DEAD.
WILL UPDATE ASAP.
GONNA GET A NEW LOOK.

Watch the space!

;take a breath. take one step.

2009-02-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

FINALLY.

TGIF.

Or..is it not?